Feeling very lonely. Yesterday went okay overall I guess. Tried to talk to some people. Writing on here responding took awhile so that was a nice distraction. Hardly ate but managed one meal at least. By the end of the day I was actually kinda calm. Even enjoyed a little bit of TV. Sleeping proved to be a little more difficult than I thought though.
Today has been completely opposite though. Woke up in a panic attack. My nightmares have been all over the place recently. I don't remember anything today but maybe something bad in my sleep, maybe just a renewed sense of longing waking up alone I'm not sure. That panic has been ruling my day no joy and my mind is spiraling again. Yesterday my wife text me a little about the how family was doing. maybe that's what calmed yesterday. Today I just wanted to be cordial and said good morning. She never even read it for hours. In the panic I sent more a couple other random small talk texts. Eventually she said very curtly that she was spending time with family and I knew I was being bad. Finally got focused for a moment started some laundry, did dishes, washed the cat boxes, vaccumed, took a shower. Still am on edge. But trying to find focus.
