Charting My Course (Part 2)

[Pack_19]

hi Gekko, I am newer to the DB forum but over the last couple of days I have been running some stuff on the cloud and using the time in between to read all your threads. Congratulations, what a healthy way to face the bitter tasting dish that life has served you.

I see many points where your sitch and mine are similar and others were I want to improve. Please allow me to share them and maybe you can give me some tips on the weak ones!

Common positive points!
> I am 100% about becoming a better me and taking the relationship with my two children to a new level, I do not care about dating. Seriously, I could have Emma Watson coming onto me and I would have to tell her I am in a moment of my life where I am all into my children and personal improvement.
> The worst of this is the feeling in your heart that D will affect your children for their entire life, it kills me to miss part of their childhood, to expose them to swapping homes and to avoid talking to them about how I want things fixed in a new better R
> I had to move from a very nice new house in Germany to a simple older one in Spain, I used the new house as a mean of connecting with S6, made him choose decorations for his room and others. I will most likely need to sell a new flat we bought in Germany last year and I have a lot of personal pressure to avoid financial issues with this matter
> Sports is a big part of DB and GAL, weights and cardio avoid many void moments when dark thoughts are likely to come haunt me
> I listen and re-listen to self improvement material and I try to have high quality conversations with close friends
> I dont want a D but I will have my boundaries. My L and I have a passive attitude towards W, let her take the lead in starting D but once it happens I lead custody and financial elements.
> I dont want a friendship with W. Just a couple of days ago she told me I am punishing her for not being a nice friend. My reply was, look I will be there if you or the kids need me, but I cannot be your friend, I want you in my life but I do not need you, please respect it.

Were I am not there, could use your help!
> When you mention jealousy-wise you being a 2 out of 10. I am still a 6, it still freaks me out and I don't know why. I have let go of her, I have accepted we are no longer a couple and I am trying to make me happy aside of anything she does.
> A strong target for my improvement is also to validate and listen better. I haven't had the chance to talk to many women due to covid but I want to practice that over and over again for my better future
> I still have not analysed so deeply as you have the flaws on my W. I do not want to focus on them and I have been feeling guilty 100%, just were she wanted me. She has always had very low self-esteem and it has been a problem for the health of our relationship
> I have lately exposed myself to more of the same contempt, criticism and blame from W, I seem to be unable to do as you and say "look I have enough self love to not listen to that, goodbye". What thoughts helped you get there?

Apologies for the long message, did not want to interrupt your thread but rather hear a bit from how you did it to get there! Thanks for reading the message and I send you strength father to father