I just want to second/third/fourth the attorney consult. You need to understand your rights and path here, and I think you will feel stronger and better once you go through that process. I know I did once I started to really research D and what it would mean. Phone consults are often free, too, so won't cost you anything but time.
I think it is important through all of this to be constantly evaluating your situation and not just sticking with 'standing for your M' because that is how you felt in the beginning. I think you need to continue to reevaluate and consider how things have changed and if you're in a place where you can focus on yourself and be sane and healthy. It isn't OK the way he spoke to you and how he made you feel, in your own home.
I agree with Wooba too about not talking about how you feel about him. Focus on the facts and what you can and cannot tolerate. And what you cannot tolerate... just disengage. He isn't in a place where he can be reasonable, so don't expect reason out of him. It is pretty aggravating that he is displaying such unsafe behaviors, though. I'm not totally sure how to handle that since now he knows it pushes your buttons. Has he backed off or escalated?
HUGS. Thinking of you.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
