DH, I agree that the relationship I have woth my ex is for the better. It’s better for me and my D. Today he picked up D when I was at work and carried the boxes of my new patio furniture up the stairs. It was a big help. I didn’t even ask. Right now is a good time to work because Of the situation. Part of me just wishes I would have taken a job a little different from my regular job, but it is what it is. And it turns out I don’t have to work Saturday.
It also turns out I get pandemic pay. With my other job, this job, and pandemic pay I had a really fat paycheck. I invested some in bills and some in a new grill and fire pit. And I think my daughter has me sold on a trampoline after her power point presentation. Other than my purchases, I paid off all my store credit cards. Feels good!
On the money/ work front, as I mentioned, my manager retired. I’ve taken over doing the schedule. Which is fine. But what has thrown me off is a good deal of my coworkers begging me to apply for her position and giving some pretty convincing testimonies as why I should. Which are quite complimentary and humbling. One person from a different department interviewed. I went to look for the position online at the end of the day, but didn’t see it. I know that person only interviewed today. I think I would be good at it. However, I’ve been here in my position for only a little over a year. And the boss above me is the problem. No one wants to work under her. However, she kind of likes me and has been complimenting me all week. It’s terrifying to apply. But I guess good things might come from facing fear. I’m going to sit in it this weekend and see what I can do. This week I got a patient successfully transferred to a field hospital. I was the first to do that. And the doctor was grateful for me coming up with the discharge plan and doing all the work. I’ve also been having a great time in my temporary office and am having fun with my coworkers there. I’m lucky to be in a good spot in my career.
My life is good considering everything now. Would I like to share the good stuff with someone else? Sure. I think I’ve always felt like I was a failure at relationships because I can’t hold onto a man. But I have friends for 20+ years. My daughter and I have an amazing bond. I am respected and successful at work. People simply like me.
So, my worth or value should never come from having a partner. Why is that the ultimate definition for most? It is not the ultimate sign of success for me. Everything else I have accomplished and where I am is my personal success. And maybe one day I will share in my successes with someone else. Only if they are strong enough, confident and don’t bring me down.
Don, you are right. My life is significantly better without the anxiety of a dating and a partner who causes me stress. I really do miss the physical aspects, affection, and someone to come home to talk to, but unless that person is worthy, well, I rather be without it
