The last couple months have been different. I am an ICU nurse and charge nurse. The stress and anxiety as our unit began to prepare a COVID ICU, while anticipating a surge, has been surreal. We watched what happened in Italy and then NY and scrambled to think of ways to accommodate a surge. This happened while several of my coworkers (also mostly charge nurses on my shift) were on a 3 week vacation. I didn't know when they would return or if they would be stuck out of the country. Our hospital org told us we would be creating a COVID ICU and taking them from other sister facilities in our greater area. Simultaneously they started rationing PPE and telling us to reuse items meant for one time use. Our area had some of the first documented cases and also implemented the first shelter in place (SIP) orders. My kids were home and I was working mostly every day, sometimes 16 hours days. I wasn't sleeping well and felt on high alert and a steady stream of anxiety -- fight or flight -- but my instinct has always been to fight. Not that different from my post BD days really!
At home, things have been different, however in a good way. H stepped up and handled it. He changed his work schedule so the kids were not home alone as long. He started doing more of everything -- shopping (minimally), cleaning, and just being supportive and loving, to me and the kids. My kids have been able to manage school from home and even continued their sports on zoom (mostly conditioning). And then something nice and unexpected transpired. We stopped running in circles, managing crazy driving schedules of practices, games, and hitting lessons, and started simply being home together. We started cooking together, having dinner as a family daily, and enjoyed happy hours in the sunshine. We watch silly tv together or just sit outside. We started just being together more. We had never made much time for that before this. So, despite the stress, changes, and unknowns, we learned to be more present as a family and as a couple.
The surge hasn't come. Yet. We know that it will -- next fall or winter -- but for now we are managing okay. These poor patients that end up on life support are mostly dying or not recovering. Fortunately we have not been so overwhelmed that we cannot care for them all. I don't know what will happen if we ever get to that point and I hope that we do not. I feel very grateful that I live in an area that has lawmakers that are taking all precautions. I mostly feel grateful that I still have my health, my job, my family and that we are moving forward. I have a wonderful H and I cannot deny that.
I hope that all of you are hanging in there. I will try and get caught up on your sitches. My summer seems to be cancelled. I still check up on some of you here and there and I think about you guys.
Take care. And please, please stay the F home.
Blu
Last edited by BluWave; 05/01/2005:28 PM.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
