A little lost - possible MFC wife

[Tmason]

So on Wednesday night, she told me that her friend had a litter of kittens again. The last time this happened, we took one and her friend kept one so they could have sister kittens. So I said, well if you get one make it a gray kitten because we haven't had a gray kitten yet. Last night after dinner, she said lets go for a drive. Ok, I'm up for it, we start driving out of town and I know we are headed towards their place. I ask are we getting this kitten? She said, you said we could. So we do, and it's the gray one. She said you wanted the gray one! I said, well I've said a lot of things the past two months that I want to happen as well (implying staying together and working on the marriage), she kinda gave a half smile. We get home and show the kids and she tells the kids we made another 15 year commitment?!?
The last R talk we had, she had said again she wants to separate, but I haven't brought anything up since because I'm following the DB steps. I'm not going to bring anything up until our next counseling session, because that is what we had agreed to, only talk relationship stuff in the MC session which is next Thursday, but what the hell is going on? One day, it's we are separating, a few days later we are getting another 15 year commitment.

I really hope that me doing the DB steps are working. I'm giving her space, asking about work and other things, but nothing about our relationship or future. No more "I love yous" or notes. We've split up some of the house chores, I was doing it all for the past two months trying to relive her stress. It made her feel smothered so we split up the chores.

I've gotten in contact with some old band mates and we are recording some stuff online together. Trying to do the GAL, as much as I can while in lockdown. Doing IC and learning a lot about what my issues are and working on them.

Hope. That is what is gets me up in the morning and fuels my exercise and the need to be the best version of myself. It's been said here a few times, make yourself into a person only a fool would leave. I'm trying.