Look, she needs to dump OM! Forget a letter, and go NC with OM. Why is she (and her IC) diligently working on a letter to a predator? I'll tell you why. She's more concerned about her lover's feelings, than her H's.
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W said I know everything now and has no problem with all my requests (passwords, phone, NC, etc no problem despite what she's said before) when she feels strong enough to give OM up but feels like an addict that can't kick the habit. I told her I was getting tired of the whole thing and feeling less and less interested. She has a friend who has been in limbo for years between two men (used to be intimate, now just friends with both) and she's been talking to her recently and they've been trying to motivate each other.
Do you want to know how to end limbo? Apparently, there are a lot of LBS's who don't seem to know. You remove yourself from that dynamic. I think that's the real thing LBS's have trouble with. They had rather remain in limbo with the cheater, than shut the door. No more being friends, or having sex and/or sleep-overs, or something in-between where you don't know what the heck is going on. You are dangling by a thread, waiting.....waiting....waiting for her to make up her mind. How insulting for a faithful spouse to wait around for their cheating spouse to choose. Well, the faithful spouse can make choices, also, and decide to no longer live in limbo. Shut the door!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
