HIgh Levels of Acceptance

[sage]

Took another giant step last night..

got home from work. still felt that semi-weirdness/disconnect when I got there...NOW I have to be careful not to make it happen with my attitude or wariness! gotta mix it up, walk in the door with confidence!

anyway, h and I went for a walk...I was overeager...talking to much, creating a bit of a vacuum, emotionally bouncing off the walls a bit. I asked h if he was ok with something or other (can't remember what) then said something like "wait, I'm not squashing you, am I? I don't want to be squashing you!" What I was TRYING to convey was that I was interested in what he wanted but was hoping that I wasn't actually CONTROLLING the conversation/outcome somewhat tacitly. I dunno...it was a weird, hepped up conversation.

anyway...h said "no, you're not squashing me." then he said "but you do have some squashing rights. no, you have some squashing ability". I said "what do you mean?". He said "you have my heart. you could squash it if you wanted to. Please be careful. And I know that I have your heart. and I promise that I won't squash it. I will take care of it. I will protect it."

???

what's up with that?

Acknowledgement that we could hurt each other ('cause that is life and love).

Request that I not hurt him.

Verbal affirmation that he will protect me and not hurt me.

Sigh.

My h is getting it (and giving it!)

Sage