Originally Posted by CWarrior
[quote=LH19]I went back and read your story from a couple years ago and you got a second chance and still didn’t put the effort in to repairing the M. I think that should tell you something.

An interesting point. What changes did you make for BD1 and which did you keep? Do you observe any patterns? For me, the trend is changes I made for me kept and changes I made for her fell away.

I gained weight again... My self esteem dropped... I truly felt my H deserved a smoking hot wife. He used to tell me how hot I was all the time and in front of the kids... I felt I hadn't earned it.

I pulled away emotionally and physically. He kept trying to reach out to me. I didn't spend Xmas Eve or NYE out socializing with him. I was in a bad head space about myself.

I tried to tell him when he would put his arms around me and I pulled away I felt horrible about myself... AND, again in my own pain I did not see I was causing him such pain. He just wanted his W.

My H's love language is physical touch. I remember telling myself before I M this guy... hey... this guy has a high need for holding hands, touching his arms, running my fingers over the top of his head... I love this guy and I need to make sure I don't drop the ball on this... and yet I did.

I still don't think he understood my pain. He just thought well h*ll if it bothers you go do something about it... it just wasn't that easy for me.

It has to sting a little even though he states he is numb to see me that I have been doing something and I look amazing... and will look even more amazing. But, I get it. He sees it as a ploy.

I realized that I am responsible for my well being... AND when I take care of myself I feel so wonderful that I am available to happily and readily be that partner my H desires... that I was when we met and married... that I have been during most of our M.

So when he asks Why Now... I have the answer. But, it was probably a rhetorical one. He probably doesn't want to hear my answer or to be open to it.

I get it. I got the chance to fix my M... and I did... and I dropped the ball in regards to myself.

Last edited by job; 04/30/20 08:41 PM. Reason: edited language