It's been another two weeks and the kids are still with me. Normally the system has been a weekly swap-over with W. W hasn't said anything to me about taking the kids, other than one time when she said she'd like to have them, if only for the weekend. The kids weren't keen to go, for several reasons. (It was their two week break between school terms and there's not much for them to do at the other house, plus S15 has (very mild) concerns about covid 19. He won't let us hug him at the moment, especially not W who still goes into her workplace in the city once a week, and travels there by train.) W is working from home most days and says she is extremely busy. I'm sure she misses the kids but I think she may also see avoiding their interruptions as a positive, given her workload. After the kids turned her down she said "If the kids aren't keen on coming over I won't push them. It's a very stressful time."
Work has also been extremely hectic for me, but it's been great fun having the kids here constantly. It's almost an adventure! W's absense is noticeable. I've been struck several times how the house actually seems smaller without her.
D13 has spoken very negatively of W over the last fortnight, even saying "I hate Mum" at various times, though sounding more frustrated than angry. Sometimes the causes seem quite superficial ("Mum hasn't read my text messages yet!"). Far from hating W, I'm sure D13 wants her around and is actually feeling neglected. I've had a particularly good time with D13, though with a few dips. A couple of times she has got upset with me over nothing particular, then she is straight on the phone to W to tell her how bad or stupid I am. (D13 was born cross. She was a fussy baby and gets mad quickly.) I take the "I hate Mum" comments with a grain of salt knowing how quickly they can flip around or fizzle out.
W's father texted W, encouraging her to work on our relationship. W was not happy with what he said. W has a strained relationship with her dad. W is still talking to her mother regularly.
W has dropped over a couple of times during the last fortnight. She's now parking on my side of the driveway and avoiding putting her handbag in the usual spot where she always kept it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it seems to be an intentional way of saying, "I don't live here, so there is no 'my' spot to park in, no 'my' spot to put my handbag."
W invited us for dinner a couple of Sundays ago. W set my place next to hers again, which feels much nicer than in the past when she'd seat one of the kids between us as a barrier. After dinner, the kids disappeared to their own entertainments. W wouldn't let me wash up but told me about work and things. She actually looked at me a few times while speaking to me! Afterwards she played two songs for me that she's been practising on her keyboard, and she sang too. (W is very musical. D13 has W's talents. Sadly S15 inherited my musical abilities.) We watched a movie together (with S15 sitting next to W). I made a cup of tea and asked W if she wanted one. She said yes so I made hers too.
A few days later it was D13's birthday. (Now she really is D13.) W came over in the morning to see presents being opened, went to 'work', then came back at 4pm with her keyboard and the birthday cake she'd made. D13's main present was a ukulele. W and D13 played their instruments. D13 got me to film it with my phone. No objections from W, which was also positive as she no longer allows me to take photos etc of her.
We ordered pizzas for dinner, per D13's wishes. W had parked on my side of the driveway again but wouldn't give me her keys, so I had no way to take her car or move it out of the way of my side of the garage. "You're not driving my car," said W. W drove me to get the pizza instead. I ran in and got it. After dinner we got the cake ready. W calls up lots of her family on shared facetime to sing Happy Birthday to D13. W's phone looks like the titles to the Brady Bunch. I am visible behind W and D13 but no one says hello to me. (though BIL sends a text later "Great to see you there.") D13 tells me later she didn't want all these people at her birthday, and that she felt embarassed and W had 'taken over'.
A few days later I get a text from W: "Do you know why D13 is sending me messages saying she'll never talk to me again?" Me: "No..."
It must've got resolved because that night we all play a sort-of on line pictionary game called scribbl.io. The kids and me at home on our devices, with W joining us on line from the other house. The mood was good (and silly). We all had fun. W was complimentary of my drawings, laughed at my jokes, and wrote my name in a comment. It felt positive.
On Monday this week W dropped in during the morning to take D13 on a quick clothes shopping mission. W is wearing a ring on her wedding finger (but it's not her wedding band or any ring from me). W had told me she is so used to wearing a ring there her finger feels bare without it. W & D13 weren't gone for very long. After W dropped off D13 and left, D13 started with the "I hate Mum" again.
I haven't seen or spoken to W for the last three days. A couple of days ago I realised I was feeling indifferent about what W ultimately decides to do, but it didn't last long. Since then I have wanted to call her, text her, drive around and see her, check she is okay, check she is not working herself to death, check she is eating okay, check if she needs help. I haven't done any of those things but the impulse is there.
Otherwise on the 'me' front, I need to get to bed earlier (it is 12.24am here now.) I keep aiming to go to bed by 11pm at the latest, but keep ending up being awake until 1am - 2am. Partly because it is such a hectic time at work, and with home being the workplace at the moment, it is too easy to try and get one more thing done. Moreso however because D13 is having trouble sleeping (has just been out of bed again to see me), partly because of her anxieties but also (I think) because she is not getting out enough to use up her energy, due to the lockdown on schools. The downside for me is that if I don't get up early, I can't fit in my exercise routine. Our Year End work has been so busy, I feel like I've been glued to the desk. I really need to get into a better sleep routine and re-establish my exercise habits. Now it's almost 1am. Stopping now, work in the morning.
