I find myself at a loss for things to say when it comes to the total destruction in really 5 short months: Me and my family dropped, EA, possible PA, Reinventing history, excessive exercise, motorcycle purchase, change in clothes style, excessive money spent, excessive drinking, tattoo, lies, drug use = I KNOW I’M NOT CRAZY. I hate how I have to go over these facts though to remind myself that I’m not exaggerating or imagining things.
You are not crazy!
It is amazing the list of changes in behaviour and activities for MLCers and in such a short time. You are correct, we have to remind ourselves, maybe we exaggerated or imagined it, of course no, it is quite real and staggering to witness.
Who would blow up their life like that. That level of total destruction. A person in crisis. This is something we had no clue even existed before finding ourselves in the deep end of a crazy situation.
Originally Posted by Kindly
I also don’t know if there’s a way I can make him see that making these big changes in the middle of a pandemic and economic downturn is not only irresponsible but unfair. Anything I do or say will come across as holding him back. Am I really stuck here letting this play out ....? Anyone got any strong advice for slowing a runaway train down? It’s not even about him and I and our relationship at this point it’s about living and not adding even more stress to an awfully stressful situation.
Yes, anything you attempt to explain will come across has holding him back. Even if your advice was received well in the moment, later his feelings will change and so will his view point. The very advice he was agreeable to suddenly becomes a fight to him. In his eyes an attempt to control him. And MLCers are out of control.
How do you slow down a runaway train? You get off it.
It’s his train. Stand well back from the tracks and the wall he is barrelling towards. Better if you turn around and focus on something else; you for example. Although I do understand and empathize the pull of watching. It’s your H, and it’s a train wreck.
You cannot slow down the train directly. It’s more your perception of it. Like, does a tree falling in the forest makes no noise if no one is listening. Is the train speeding down the tracks if you’re not watching? Indifference.
Originally Posted by Kindly
Am I really stuck here letting this play out ....?
No. Of course not.
You control your life.
You choose to be there. To outlast. To allow time to work. To dig for patience. To heal.
This is a marathon.
Originally Posted by Kindly
I’m not too sure what to expect once this starts to become a financial reality for him? I know there’s nothing I can do but let it play out but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared. I don’t know who he is when he’s like this.
Please don’t limit and lessen yourself. There is lots you can do. You have made good choices. And you are doing something. Doing nothing is doing something.
You have spoken to a L. You have information. Do keep tabs on the business side of things as the financial reality and pressures start pressing on him.
Teenage H is running. Phone calls, packing, friends, etc. He is going to be all over the map. You will get dizzy trying to keep track of his crazy.
Living under the same roof is hard. Dig for patience.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
