Just to summarize where we stand at the moment. W BD came 7/19. She has been sleeping at a "friend's house" every night since a few weeks after BD. She runs a biz out of the house where I live with S19 and S11, so I see her most days when she arrives to open the biz as I'm heading off to work.
W is adopted and I believe the trigger for all of this happened about 3 years ago when she found out she had 3 half-siblings that she was previously unaware of, and was dissuaded from contacting them by her birth mother. She also has no information about her birth father, and though she tracked down her birth mother when we started dating 25 years ago, they have no real relationship because birth mom has her own family and they are unaware of my W.
Around this same time frame, my W started posting things like "love yourself first" and the like on Facebook. She also went out and leased a new vehicle, got 2 tattoos, joined a gym and made a whole new group of friends. Looking back, it makes more "sense" now, but like most others, I just didn't see it at the time.
Since BD, I have been working on myself. I've lost 50 lbs, been working out, going to IC and really working connecting on a deeper level with my kids. We tried MC early after BD, and although the MC told us we were dealing with issues very similar to most people she deals with, W wasn't into putting in any effort to work on M. I come from a large, nuclear family and we both have really focused on our family for most of our time together. I think this has unfortunately "invalidated" her background and experience and has led her to want a D in part as a way to "validate" her past, something she has been unable to do on her own.
We hired a mediator and selected a realtor in January. After initial visits with each (we retained the mediator), she has done very little to further the process along. I have done the minimum required of me with the mediator and realtor to date. So, we remain firmly in limbo.
Usually when she arrives in the morning, we chit chat about the kids' upcoming days or finances, or the weather etc. Today I decided to just sort of say "hi" (I never say anything first to her in the mornings), and to move right along. As I started to leave, she started talking about S11 and his school assignments etc. I responded and just left. She texts around 11 a.m. saying she will be getting Chinese food for boys for dinner and asked if I wanted any. I said "no thanks." I get home and her stuff in our bedroom is tidied up a bit, and it looks like most of the stuff was put into our closet. She never took most of her stuff out of the house, just carries one smallish bag with her back and forth.
I plan to continue to focus on myself and the boys, and I'm not sure where this is headed, or even where I want it to head. She is in MLC and must travel this road by herself. But it sure would be nice to get some sort of clarity for my own sake.
