KC, most people quit burning themselves on a hot stove after touching it once or twice. You just keep right on laying your hand on it and leaving it there until you see smoke though, and then wondering why you have so many scars I know this is hard but really, your continued texting and phone calls with H are you placing your hand on the stove willingly over and over again expecting that maybe it won't burn this time. Maybe some day the hot stove that is your husband will cool down enough for that but it is so far down the road that it's not even in sight yet. PLEASE.... STOP.... TALKING TO HIM! No talking. No texting. Let's focus on YOU. Leave him be.
Every single interaction you have with him is extremely unhealthy. I understand you have more of his stuff, but set a date and tell him to get it ALL out. And please stop using his things as an excuse to keep talking to him. You keep highlighting all these many texts and phone calls you have with him and your "explanation" is that he still has stuff at your house so you MUST talk to him. I'm not buying it. I've been through it, and coordinating with my XW to get the rest of her stuff out of my house took like 3 texts TOTAL. And they were all strictly business. What are you taking, when are you taking it, how long will it take. Period end of story. Any more than that is just you desperately clinging to him for whatever crumbs be might throw.
Originally Posted by KitCat
My reasons 1) I know deep down that I'm still trying to please him, 2) I don't want to disappoint him, 3) I don't want him to feel that I'm controlling the situation.
^^^ I totally get that all of those focus on HIM. That is why I've been wanting to avoid this topic with him 100%. Its my achille's heel for absolute sure.
Good, I'm glad you see that because I think you are 100% correct. I also hope you understand that 1) NOTHING you do will "please" him, even giving him what he thinks is his money. 2) EVERYTHING you do is a disappointment to him. Hold the money, give it back, burn it, give it to charity, buy a new house for him, literally anything you do he will find fault in. 3) He 100% thinks you are controlling NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
^^^Please read and understand. This is his wayward mindset at work. You're no longer the person he loved unconditionally, his "other half", his "partner" in life. You're not. I know it hurts, I know you are upset, I know you feel betrayed and burned and just want to "fix" everything. But you can't. So you've got to quit touching the stove and quit trying to "nice" him back. Remember grey rock? You really should try it.
I know this is hard but really, your continued texting and phone calls with H are you placing your hand on the stove willingly over and over again expecting that maybe it won't burn this time. Maybe some day the hot stove that is your husband will cool down enough for that but it is so far down the road that it's not even in sight yet. PLEASE.... STOP.... TALKING TO HIM! No talking. No texting. Let's focus on YOU. Leave him be. 