May - thank you for your heartening comments. I think your assessment of his intentions is correct, unfortunately. As for OW, here's what I know about her. She's 21. She was one of XH's employees but has since gotten a new job. Her nickname at work was Sourpuss (lol). She broke up with her long-term high school boyfriend as soon as XH left me. She was not loyal to her ex-BF and apparently tried to sleep with every other male employee before she got to XH. She's very active on social media and appears quite thirsty, as the kids say these days. I blocked them both yonks ago, but my friends say there's no trace of XH on her social media or vice versa. It's all very juvenile and dramatic, and I'm guessing her presence lately is more of the same. If I was being kind, I'd say she doesn't understand the magnitude of her involvement in this situation because she simply doesn't have enough life experience. If I was being realistic, I'd say she knows exactly how sh!tty she is and simply doesn't care. Reality is probably somewhere in between.
Haha kml, stop giving me ideas. I do thank my lucky stars on a daily basis that I'm not quarantined with XH. No whinging about being bored, no disappearing into video games for hours, no ignoring me or S2, no leaving his dirty clothes and dishes all around the house. Shudder. If XH was here, I wouldn't be alone, but I'd be lonely.
I did think about approaching her for a friendly chat. "Hi OW. Thanks for being kind to my kid. Also, thanks for taking this lying, cheating, abusive, deadbeat loser out of my life. You've got your work cut out for you so good luck. Personally I think you're out of his league. When you come to the same conclusion, give me a call. Or you know where to find me. Hugs!" Just kidding...
Gerda - El Floozita, haha! See my comments to May above which might give more clues about OW's thought process. Thanks for your advice. I'm sorry your H is being so damaging to your D at such a crucial point in her development. That's just awful. I don't think the same rules for introducing new partners apply here, unfortunately. My solicitor has told me I have no say over who spends time with S2 when he's with his dad. And that's not really my issue - it's that he's bringing her to my house. Here, consent orders for parenting are totally separate to divorce proceedings, so they can be handled anytime. XH is currently refusing to come to the table to modify our existing arrangement, which is fine with me.
MissnM - thanks for your kind words. It was pretty hard to stay calm because it was such a shock. I had actually joked about him having the audacity to bring his OW to my house, and not even a week later he did! Yuck!
DnJ - sage advice as per usual. Thank you. I do have control over myself and I won't allow XH or OW to bait me into betraying my own character, my own beliefs, my own standards. My feelings did stay with me for a bit and then withered away. Do you know that Native American parable about feeding the wolf you feed? Well, I chose not to feed the wolf. Choosing to do nothing lets the good wolf win.
Quote
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Canbird - thanks for the hugs. You're right, it will get easier as time goes on and I will train myself to not care. She was in the car this morning and it was a non-event (like the previous two times, but this time I didn't feel upset about it). Someone IRL told me to aim for the level of nonchalance where XH and OW could go at it like jackrabbits on my front verandah and I'd smile and wave and offer them a condom! Haha! Let's hope that never happens...
kml - I hadn't visited The Big D board, so thanks for introducing me. Found your thread too. I've been reading Ginger's old threads back to last year. Ginger, if you're reading - you have a wonderful, full, thriving life and you're an inspiration. I can't see myself having the kind of relationship with XH/OW that you do, but maybe you said the same thing back in the day. I'd be interested to find out if your D knows that XH had an affair with OW? As the topic of 'telling the kids' has been on my mind lately. I'll keep reading and maybe I'll find out
