Hi Cardinal, do you think you would feel better if you calmly told your H that you won't tolerate being yelled at? You don't have to be his emotional punching bag in the name of validation. If his behaviour makes you feel uneasy, sick and scared, you just choose to walk away. I think sometimes we LBS struggle with boundaries when trying to follow DB advice to listen and validate. If you act under the assumption that nothing you do will make H come back, then that should remove the fear of standing up for yourself. You don't deserve his abuse - and I don't think it's a stretch to call his aggressive and intimidating behaviour abusive. You're afraid to say something because of his reaction? That's not okay! It's hard to admit, I know, because it took me some time to get to that understanding with my XH as well. Once I got the courage to assert and hold my boundaries, I realised how pathetic and self-serving and obvious his abusive behaviour was. He lost his power over me and that was when I really started healing and growing and strengthening. It must be incredibly hard being stuck in the house with him right now. Sending big hugs.
