Husband Living a Double Life

[MoGirl]

Short recap: Hubby started EA in 2018 turned into PA May 2019. OW is 21 (H: 45) and lives in another country. She was his parent's cleaning girl. He would visit his parent's every 6 months the past 3 years.

I forgot to mention in my previous thread that this past Feb, he secretly flew to that country one weekend to see OW. That is when I discovered the affair. I found all of their messages and pics.

Husband lives with friend 3 hours away from our home. He received a promotion and the plan was for me to move there once I found a job and then we would put our house on the market. Before BD he was home 3 to 4 days out of the week except for the weekend he told me he would be working and went to see her.

It has been two months since the BD and I can't accept my new reality. I don't know how. Maybe it is because my H has been coming home on the weekends for the last month to work on the house. During this time I have halfheartedly attempted to DB. I tried to do 180's and act as if, but it appears to have put me in the friend zone.

When he is at home, we act like a normal couple except for the affection/sex. He does house chores, asks me what I want for dinner, cooks breakfast for me. We eat meals together and go to the store, etc. I have even climbed in bed with him and cuddled (hanging my head in shame right now). Not sure why he is letting me do this. He still wants a divorce.

This week I have repeatedly asked him if he's sure he wants a divorce. Can we work on this? blah, blah blah. Cried. Told him I don't want to be his friend etc. I just got into a big argument with him over the phone and after we hung-up he sent me a text telling me he's not coming back to work on the house and that we need to have minimal interaction with one another. I didn't respond.

I have given away all of my POWER to this man. I am terrified of pulling away from him. What is wrong with me? I am spiraling out of control.

Please help me, help myself.