I hope things went well yesterday. I hope the fancy beer was amazing and you guys had a lovely meal and some grown up time
You kinda had my wheels spinning for you yesterday, so I just want to poke the bear here for a second. And maybe it's something you can discuss further with IC. I in no way want you to sweep H's bs under the rug and just go on like nothing happened. That is super unhealthy, and so 1950s housewife. But as former WW and as a LBS now i just want to mention a couple things.
You know you will have to let this go someday if you want that MR 2.0. My bff tells me this every time I get caught up in my anger or fear. And I'm starting to make it a mantra on my road to forgiveness. There is going to come a point in the future where you have to deal with your pain, and fear all alone without involving H any more. He can't be beholden to your process over the A forever. And that's a sh!tty thing to say. Because let's be real he should be. But if you want to move past this and get to that MR 2.0 in full there really will come a time when you have to be alone with those feelings and process them and not drag him in to it, because your negative feelings about the A are going to go on far longer than his negative feelings about reinvesting in the MR. Yesterday I wasn't asking you to walk away from those feelings forever. Just shelf them for a day. Trying living your life like that for just one day. Partly to make it a nice day for you, but also so you can see that one foot in front of the other thing that I think we all miss sometimes.
As to your vision of MR 2.0. I love ya, but I'm going call you on expectations. MR 2.0 is already started in sorts. MR 1.0 died long before you even knew it was dead. I'll give you that this is MR 2.0 beta testing. LOL. Working through the bugs and glitches in programming. But a year ago he was a warm body in your house. Now, right now, he's there, he's trying, in his way, but he's trying. You look at where you were a year ago and 2 years ago and see all this loss and pain. When I read that I thought, my god, look how far he's come. What a d!ck he was...couldn't even pull it together for a day, and today he's trying so hard and my May can't get out of her head long enough to see how badly he wants her to enjoy the day. I just want to warn you, that he is never going to say he's sorry exactly the way you want him to. He's never going to say I love you exactly the way you want him to. He never going to face his bs on your timeline or process it in the way you'd really like him to. It's all going to be on his time table and in his way at first. It a long road before he'll be ready to show and do things the way you'd like them to be, and then again he may never. This is a meet people where there at thing. He owes you a lot of explaining, and reassurances, and apologies, but there's a good chance all of that is going to come in his way and not yours. Are you going to be able to accept that? And the bigger question I have for you is, are you going to be able to set your pain, fear, anger, frustration etc. over all he's put you though long enough to see when he's giving you those things on his terms?
