A little lost - possible MFC wife

[Rita]

Please tell me you didn't give this to her and are just trying to get it out on paper!!!! This is going to have the opposite effect that you want.

Keep writing this stuff and then burn it. Or put it in a locked drawer and don't allow yourself to do anything with it for one month.

I would not write to her ever at all. Be kind and friendly and open but not eager. Let her come to you. Believe what you read here. Let go. Be busy. Be friendly when she comes to you but initiate nothing.

She might leave for a while. She might tell you it's over. It might take a number of years. What you are doing now is the very beginning of this journey. The counseling may not work at all for now, she might have to go through something really dark before she comes back. Remember, your standing means outlasting what she is going through, not fixing it or changing it. You can't. Surrender your will. Surrender your desire to fix. You can't. You can't! You can't!

If you read my sitch, you will see that I am a diehard stander. So if I am saying you have to let go, it's not because I think you should move on and start a new life. I believe in waiting! But you have to wait in the right way.

And from a woman's perspective, you want to be an attractive man because you are strong and confident and have your own life that is interesting and unique to you and your interests/skills/passions. The only way to appear that way is to be that way. And the only way to be that way is to actually pursue your own life. Be happy to see her and let her into your own life, but have one.