There's a gap between what Steve's proposing and what you're proposing.
Originally Posted by Steve85
"I am not lifting the order on advice from my attorney. And will not discuss it further."
Originally Posted by KitCat
my atty does not advise I do such as he is asking. I was going to suggest that the attys just handle it going forward unless he feels that there may be other options and letting the attys go for now.
I only point this out because you viewed these messages as the same.
Steve's message conveys "No" and ends this negative interaction. Your message conveys "My attorney suggested X" and suggests what he do next [unwanted advice - control?]. I get firmness is hard and maybe you aren't ready to say no. By simply telling him you'd gotten advice to do otherwise you invite continued discussion on this matter. Letting go of one of your last recurring interactions can't be easy.
I 100% see your point. This will not be my last interaction with him... honestly I don't want this interaction at all.
I agree I am not being firm but not for the reasons I think you outline.
My reasons 1) I know deep down that I'm still trying to please him, 2) I don't want to disappoint him, 3) I don't want him to feel that I'm controlling the situation.
^^^ I totally get that all of those focus on HIM. That is why I've been wanting to avoid this topic with him 100%. Its my achille's heel for absolute sure.
I also know my suggesting if we could just drop both attys and just take time apart for awhile is trying to instigate an R talk on where we are at?, also definitely showing I'm plan B? and maybe control? IDK about the last one. But, I 100% know that is a lame thing to say and to not even go there!!!
My reasons 1) I know deep down that I'm still trying to please him, 2) I don't want to disappoint him, 3) I don't want him to feel that I'm controlling the situation.
KK these are all the same. I will say it for the umpteen time "YOU CANNOT NICE HIM BACK". What you can get from his is respect. How do you do that? LH will show you. H: KK I want you to lift that order now. I need to purchase my new house for me and my whore. KK: I understand you are trying to purchase a new house but I have to look out for my best interest. H: Lift the order now or I will never speak to you again. KK: I'm sorry you feel that way. H: I need to by my house! KK: I understand and I would like to start my new life too but this is a process.
Originally Posted by KitCat
^^^ I totally get that all of those focus on HIM. That is why I've been wanting to avoid this topic with him 100%. Its my achille's heel for absolute sure.
Why are you trying to avoid the topic its a great chance to show him you won't be walked over and you want to move on too.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I also know my suggesting if we could just drop both attys and just take time apart for awhile is trying to instigate an R talk on where we are at?, also definitely showing I'm plan B? and maybe control? IDK about the last one. But, I 100% know that is a lame thing to say and to not even go there!!!
He knows your plan B by your actions but for fun lets play this one out. Which scenario is more likely? 1. KK: H if we could just drop both attys and just take time apart for awhile I think we could repair our marriage. H: You know I think you're right. I guess I didn't think this through. Lets cancel the attorneys I will retract the bid on the house and dump my girlfriend. Maybe we can work this out after all. 2. KK: H if we could just drop both attys and just take time apart for awhile I think we could repair our marriage. H: Are you crazy? I have a new girlfriend who treats me like a king and I bought a new house. I have been is this miserable marriage with you and unhappy for years. I am going to be so happy now because I will have a new house close to work and my GF is flawless.
I know option two is harsh but it is how he feels right now. Doesn't mean he is right but that is how he feels.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Back to focusing on the prize... which is me!!!
These are your words but your actions do not match your words.
I get what you are saying LH ---- I've been strong on many fronts this one spot is difficult for me.
Namely the money in the account is technically NOT mine but HIS. Ultimately it will go back to him. My atty finds it to be a bargaining chip as it is in an acct with my name on it. He brought this money to our M.
So that is the sticky side of things... I am keeping him from HIS money.
Atty says it still M assets. BUT, he is getting ugly that its HIS money. Its complicated. My Atty has recommend I not let him have the money at this time. Atty KNOWS what the money is/from.
Namely the money in the account is technically NOT mine but HIS... it is in an acct with my name on it. He brought this money to our M.
Usually, all monies brought into the marriage (shared accounts or the partner's account) are shared assets. I'm confused--I thought that was a shared asset he was trying to manipulate you into giving him.
I do remember correctly! It's yours, morally and technically. A marriage is a coming together as one. When you divorce, you're entitled to half of what's there. It's a division of the marriage, not an annulment of it. It's a lot of money you're giving up. Do make sure gifting more than half the money to him and his fiancé is in-live with your values--as opposed to, say, gifting it to yourself or to a charity.
I’m very confused. If it’s a M asset why will it go back to him?
I don't know how things will play out. But, this was money he had in an acct for his D18 to go to college. She never went to HS so he took the money back and put it in a joint account.
I always referred to it as "his" money. The plan was he was going to let it sit there and grow and when he retired buy something fun for us.
But, legally its a M asset. Morally, I know its HIS money.... THIS IS WHY I'VE BEEN IN SUCH A STRUGGLE over the whole damn thing. It eats me from the inside. Due to C19 courts are closed just after I filed the order.
