-J- The bag finally left today. H and I did more communicating over that stupid bag than we did while he was here for over a month in lock down! Feels that way; pretty accurate.
Last night he sent a reminder. This morning he was checking... we spent a couple of hours texting back and forth. Not always about the bag, about different things, ...except our situation... any way... It's been like that since he left. A lot of friendly texting, joking, a bit about D3.. Now I wonder if this will continue, now that the bag is gone. `Once it got picked up, just around dinner time, I sent my last text. He replied.. and that was it. Nothing else.
Of course I want to keep the friendly banter going, but I don't want to over do it ... so I will give him space. Follow his lead. It was so nice and so normal messaging back and forth... actually having a conversation...I let him lead of course. A few times I asked questions about how he was doing... nice that he was forth coming with his reply. At least it felt that way. There's always a cloud around what they say...
So what now? He goes to work, does his thing and hopefully, given the remote work that he does, he'll actually tell me when he goes. I know his work contacts, he gave me his new number & how to get in touch with him if need be. Last season, was literally zero casual contact. I was DB... so only emergencies. He did ask, why I never emailed... I just said I was giving him space.
I feels like I'm reliving letting go of him all over again. Is this how it is? They leave, you get over it, they come back and then you relive it again? Is this the roller coaster? Or a just a part of being the LBS.; having a spouse in MLC. This time his leaving, didn't hurt as much. Maybe, because our D isn't final? (papers were never filed... 00 didn't complete them.... so he says...) Is this silly of me to keep thinking about this fact? Yes the ow is in the picture, but he's still married!
Who knows and I shouldn't care what grand fantasy plans they have been thinking up. I secretly hope it all blows up. Last year, I didn't know about the ow/xgf. Now I do, and they are still active from a distance as far as I know. THANK YOU COVID for the travel restrictions! Karma at it's best. And with all that going on, I still look at the fact that 00 did not file. I hope that travel restrictions for certain countries stay in place for a while. aka Karma at work
Okay. I seriously need to GAL. Way too much time spent talking about 00. He's got more going on is all....lol... But seriously, while going through this, I think it's important to be real and be raw in the moment so others can learn & we can help each other navigate through this spiderweb of nonsense. I've got one friend who is working on filing for D (not MLC related... that I know of) and another friend who's having a rough go too... husband with PTSD .. she almost did D her H last year... I'm sure a lot of couples are going through things during these crazy Covid days. In a few years, we'll be saying... remember 2020?
That's enough blah blah from me. Up way late. Too much afternoon coffee.
Be well and Stay Safe. Keep Posting
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
