WW post D (Thanks BenB part 3)

[Mumin]

Thanks a bunch everyone for giving you thoughts!
Vapo, Ginger, AS, Joseph, Ovr (welcome back to my thread:)) Huge thanks!
It is incredible to have all this support and REALLY helps me continuously!
I will tell W on Wednesday when I see her again.

As mentioned we are not in a COMPLETE lockdown. Thanks ovr
Some restrictions apply though. So, for instance daycare IS open so D2 meets her best friend all the time anyway (= no added risk). However I don't meet my sister and her family every week atm so I will probably schedule something separate with them. Naturally if someone is sick within a family then none of them can come.

Update/Journal:
Personally I have been feeling pretty good and stable. Most downs are WAY less severe as 2-3 weeks back and cant even compare to 2-3 months back.

Since it was W's weekend with the kids we did talk a few times. Mostly short and about kids but some things are maybe worth noting or remembering for later.
She asked quite a lot about what I had been up to since I wasnt home most of the time.
Basically just told her the truth but with not so much details.

Saturday night before bed she also was wondering where I had spent friday night (slept at a friends place since I was going to help him with some DIY)
She asked what my family thinks?They know whats going on but not everything.
First I didnt answer because I got a bit angry.
Eventually (she asked repeatedly) I said:
I dont know what they are thinking, but I think they are mostly wondering. They dont understand and wonder what happend?
My brother and partly also sister are furious and I was very close to telling her that, but didnt.


This morning:
I had to go with them in the car when she was taking them to daycare because I needed the car to do some grocery shopping. After she sat in the car for a while waiting for her bus. Apparently the kids got real sad when she was leaving them.
We ere mostly quiet but then she skipped the first bus (they leave every 5-10 min for the city where I dropped her off)
I realized she was feeling low and saw her in the mirror and just suddenly said she was beautiful.
I know, wrong. But I just felt it and flt she needed to hear it... Lame and stupid in hindsight after everything shes put me through... However I want to point out I didnt say it in a needy way.
Anyway this convo followed:
W - Thank you! How are you? (She was close to crying)
Me - Mostly good but it's up and down. Kills me that kids are feeling it.
Silence.
Me - Do you have something you want to say?
W - No. Or we'll. A lot...
Me - I have a few minutes.
W - I guess life isnt as black and white as I thought.
Me - No life is mostly in the grey area. (Smiling. She laughed a bit.)
Silence.
Me - Either you get out of the car or we go sit down somewhere.
Silence
W - What are you thinking about?
Me - I can listen but will have a hard time talking when you have that bag next to you. (her "luggage" for living at OM's place)
W - Mmm..
Slience
W - I guess I will go.
Me - Ok.

We said goodbye and I didnt get out of the car. Just drove away.
She keeps wanting to open up in some way. Not sure what it is though.
Might just be that she needs a shoulder to lean/cry on since shes feeling bad.
IF I knew thats what it was I wouldn't allow it.
Thoughts what was said?