Bttrfly .... wow someone I actually remember!! How have ya been ??
Moved the tent over to the surviving the big D part of the boards a while ago. I'm ok, thanks for asking. Let's see, quick synopsis: Mom had to have a heart valve replacement about 18 months ago (operation or death in 6 months). She came through it well, but Dad was spiraling and passed away last Memorial Day, four days after my stuff got moved into my new house (built next door to them). Mom's now been spiraling since then, fell and broke her femur in half last September. She's now in a wheelchair, I'm working from home during this lockdown and sole caregiver. It's ok. She'll be 94 on Friday. This isn't a long term thing, unfortunately.
Son is not doing great - he's 20 now, and in some trouble and needs to face that his coping skills are bringing him to a very, very dark and self-destructive place. He knows and is taking baby steps, but man, I don't think he can do this without some outside help, which he is somewhat resistant too.
You are 18 months ahead of me on this. I'm wondering if exh will ever come out of the tunnel. he's moved to SF, and the extent of his parenting these days is playing video games nightly with son. This actually might be a good thing, as he's been bullying our son to do stuff his way and that's not helping - it's making things 1000 x worse!
Originally Posted by CaliGuy
Ugh .,.. so I dated this one girl.."Irish" on and off for a couple years, she helped me in alot of areas then I met someone whom checked off so many of the boxes I was looking for. We got very close very fast and with this I discovered I still am looking for the other shoe to drop, the past issues with xw have given me some trust issues that I did not experience till this year, some justified and some not. The positive part is as bad as the break up was I know I will never face anything like MLC so regardless I know I will be fine but there is still some more work to do when I thought I was darn near a perfect specimen of a man. I can relate to the wall thing ... thats one Irish never got past, we are still friends but I know she was a bit miffed at not being able to get through that and then someone else did. I think its just a gut thing, you will find someone whom you will not have reservations about but its after so much mirror time and self improvement till you get to a place that you actually deserve to be happy. MLC seemed to me to have an impact, we spent so much time focused on them and being miserable that it was tough to move that focus inward and heal ... heal to a point where we can admit to ourselves we deserve something better. I think I felt in a way I deserved the MLC wrath in some mystical way as punishment for all my wrong-doings.
Hmm .. yeah, that residual ptsd for lack of a better word - maybe the better word is triggers or baggage? I dunno. I hear you though. I went on a coffee date (met online). Eh. Not feeling the chemistry. Nice enough guy, easy to talk to --- but man, violent mentally unstable ex that he's got permanent restraining orders against - yikes. I cannot take that on. I have a friend that I hang out with semi-regularly. Sometimes it seems like he's moving two steps towards being more than friends and of course that's when I bolt in the other direction like a feral cat! Then sometimes I'm the one and he's all "I don't want to be in a relationship until my son is 18" (he's 12) ... he's also a victim of the MLC madness. Geez, it's like Covid- it's freaking EVERYWHERE! We care about each other a lot but last coy conversation around this topic revealed his belief that a romantic relationship would destroy our friendship ... he's probably right.
here's the thing, I'm attracted to him emotionally, intellectually and spiritually but I just won't let myself go there physically. There's another guy friend who is drop dead gorgeous and has so many deal breakers out of the gate that I know it's safe to be attracted because ain't no way anything's gonna happen here, despite his reciprocal attraction to me. So here I sit. I honestly don't know if it's that there is so much else on my plate right now, that a relationship would be the tipping point if it went south, or if I'm just irretrievably broken. Hence the questions. Thanks for your honesty. xoxo as always!
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Anyway, final question - how's your boy doing?
It really is so so so great to read an update from you buddy! I've missed you!! {{{{{{{Cali}}}}}}}
Originally Posted by CaliGuy
My son is amazing, he truly is. He seems to have gone through all this very well. He is taller than I am ... at 13 ...We are guessing he is going to be 6-0 before he is 14...his favorite line is "Dad I still look up to you even if I have to look down" that's about the time I do not care about Child Protective Services and am sure they will side with me for beating him.
Yes! Mine (at just under 6'4" now) pats me on the head routinely ... and calls me shortstack! I'm 5'9"!!! Next to him I'm a shrimp! Glad your boy is doing great - is he still playing baseball? Big field, right?
Stay safe my friend!!! So good to "see" you! Massive hugs!!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
