Hello all .... been wanting to get back here and post for some time and today I just happen to find some free time and felt compelled to share.
Bit of a summary ... man .. seems like another lifetime as I think about it. My BD ... you all still use these letters right??!!?? ... well BD was Sep13 and I took my time to make every mistake in the book about 3 times before I found this site and after some time discovered the MLC area and dove head first into this crappy pool. The amount of things I learned here were life changing as cliche as that sounds ... it seems like an understatement as I would not even recognize what I referred to as Cali 1.0 .... Cali 5.0 is in a great place now.
So the reason I came back just to update .... my MLCr appears to be clearly out of the tunnel. Only took about 6.5 years.... ok I laughed. I know so many here look for hope and answers, I was there too and for me just knowing I was not the only one who had to buy a Spew Jacket and deal with Batsh*t Crazy was a massive amount of comfort.
A bit of her history ... and things that I knew just did not know the impact of it on her. Like I said BD was Sep13, back in Jun12 my father passed away and looking back I mistakenly pinned that event as the death that set her off into the MLC tunnel, that was not entirely true and I will address the real reason shortly. So Death 2012 and full MLC meltdown Sep13, we separate Dec13 and my hell journey begins. Had a very hard Touch and Go where she said all the right things and we got back together for about 8 months late 2014-Feb15 where I discovered Texts and photos sent to OM. She only had one OM, never resorted to drugs/alcohol and for the most part was not to bad a mother with our only son ... now 13. From what I can explain she did not have that "ah ha" moment but just seemed to get gradually better through 2018-2019.
February of this year for the first time we had dinner with our son for his Birthday and to be honest it was only about 20% awkward and I actually enjoyed it. Later on that month she called me up while I was in the middle of dealing with a personal issue and asked if I could give her a ride to her Dr appt ... I agreed. Now to clarify, at this point I have zero interest in reconciliation but she is the mother of my child and I have tried through this entire episode to display acts I want him to remember, and I want him to know I will always care about his mom regardless what happened between us and its been much easier to deal with schedules and events if we get along. So deep down I was skeptical about the fact she wanted me to take her but felt compelled to go along with it. As it turned out over the next 2 weeks and 2 Dr trips later she explained alot to me about what happened. She tearfully apologized about everything she put me through and said I had every reason to hate her. She told me about a retreat she had gone to at the beginning of the year that had 120 abused women. I was obviously confused as we were together for 23 years and I hardly yelled at her let along raised a hand, but I just sat and listened as she let loose. In 2011 her brother was sentenced to prison for 20 years for raping his 15 year old step daughter ... This was the trigger... this made her recall that he also molested her when they were kids. So it set off all sorts of trauma that she was not equipped to deal with but had been going to therapy over the past 2 years and dealing with all this along with the miscarriage that we had which she really struggled with. She told me that her and OM are over and have been for some time, tbh I am at a point where I do not really care about that but I will be honest that I would be more at ease with her being with someone other than that guy.
As for me I was in a pretty serious relationship for a bit but at the moment we are not together as some things happened that triggered me back to these days and I pretty much ended things. I think with my ExW talking about what happened that will help me somehow to continue to work on the issues that I developed over this whole crisis. The work is never done and even now I am back to doing some mirror work and continue to make improvements.
Anyways ... this place helped me so much ... if you all have any questions I will try to stick around for a bit.
Last edited by job; 04/27/2008:06 PM. Reason: edited a word
