Sorry, it has been a while. Work has been very busy but also with my W home now (yes, I made that decision), I don't want her to know about this site so I have stayed away since she is working from home and always around.
Things have been going very well. My W continues to sincerely apologize and be transparent. If I am struggling int te moment, and she can tell, she will come over to me and say "sorry, I love you and I was wrong for what I did." She tries to get my mind off the "bad stuff" I have in my head by telling me that she is here to stay and will never hurt me like that. I realize that is a lot of words but she really has been trying.
We continue with MC on Wednesday, she continues with IC right after. She answers my questions when I ask but spares me the details I don't want to know. She lets me look in her phone almost every day, or whenever I ask. The OM actually blicked her on all accounts as well because he is "pissed"
We have spoken about her going back to work as a bartender once the pandemic is over and I told her I fon;t like that. She said she would quit. We spoke briefly about that with the MC and he said we can work on that together since nothing will be opening anytime soon anyways. But she said she would quit.
The hard part will be when everything opens and she wants to go out with her girlfriends. I can't say she can never go out but I asked if we could come up with a plan-not staying out too late, checking in with me, letting me know who she is with, etc. She said that would be fine. Again, we are probably months away from that anyways. She brought up a baby again, I told her it is too soon and she agreed. She asked if we could talk about it again in the summer, I said we could. She keeps saying how much she knows she screwed up and how much she was missing her family. I asked her what her end game was before I knew. She said she always planned on ending it and telling me but was scared. she said she never planned on leaving me. I have some issues with that because it continued. But I did find old emails from her to him and she was very short and seemingly uninterested towards the end of the A (before I knew).
Ultimately, the biggest change in my W, is she sees happy. Genuinely happy. I know it has only been a few weeks since we started figuring things out but she seems like a different person. When we spoke to the MC, she said she feels like a load has been lifted off of her shoulders so she can now focus on me and our family and not feel so guilty every day. Honestly, things are going well. We continue to work on ourselves and our relationship.
My biggest fear is when the pandemic ends and everything opens...who will she be then? But I can't think that far down the road...one day at a time.
I will continue to check back every few days. I can't thank you enough for all of your support and help!
