Scout's QLC journey #4

[Rita]

I haven't followed along on your sitch so I don't know where you are in the custody process, but it's very common to have an agreement to not have any OP's sleep over or be around the kids. It's not healthy for them to have to adapt to a new person so quickly, and it's likely there will be a stream of new persons.

I agree that you can do nothing outside of court and that the high road is better but I would get it in the custody agreement. Not to protect you,though it will. To protect your S. Your fears of danger are correct. I know we are not to blame the OW but each of them and both together are still dangerous -- emotionally. And spiritually. As long as you are keeping the focus on the child's mental health and not making it about you. And even if wonderful people could do what they did and thus there was a potential for them to be the greatest people ever and the best company for a child, your child needs time to adjust to any new normal. He needs to bond with his dad, not El Floozita. May22's point above is exactly how I always felt about the OW sleeping over when my D is with her dad TWO NIGHTS PER MONTH -- what kind of woman would be that insensitive to show up on those nights? My D even asked her dad if they could just be alone when she sees him and he said, "I can't kick her out! Don't you want me to be happy?" Our OW is still married and has two young kids, so she certainly has somewhere else to be!

Whatever you do, make sure you keep a record of each and everything that happens. Keep it totally objective, just describing. I assure you, you will need it. After the D is over, you will have a lot more power in family court, and you will need a record of everything that happened to show that only one parent is putting the child's needs first.

Also I don't want to scare you, but this kind of stuff gets worse as they get older. My D is 11 and a bit portly and her dad is now regularly commenting on her weight -- e.g., "Your legs are looking good, it's just your belly you have to work on." And "I want you to be thin because I want those boys to just go after you!" is another regular one. I am just trying to get this divorce done so I can get into family court and get this stuff into the narrative. I am hoping my H will have to get supervised visits until he learns how to stop body shaming at least! Pipe dream but point is, you need the power of family court, which is more a post-divorce thing, depending on your divorce judge.