S2 spent the day with XH today. OW was in the car again at dropoff.
This time, S2 yelled excitedly “Look Mama, there’s OW!” the second I opened the front door. Christ Almighty, give me some warning before testing my fortitude.
I did not look at the car. I just said calmly “that’s cool, let’s go inside”. S2 smelled like another woman’s perfume when I gave him a cuddle.
I’m having trouble with this. Specifically, her coming to my house. I’ve accepted her spending time with S2 when he’s with his dad. That’s not the problem. Does anyone have advice or encouragement?
Look, I can’t really demonise OW. She stinks, figuratively and literally, but she’s not the problem.
XH either knew this would hurt me and doesn’t care, or doesn’t know why this would hurt me.
Or most likely, didn’t think of me at all. Why was I so easy to discard and replace?
On deeper examination, hurt isn’t the right description of how I feel. It makes me feel uneasy. Unsafe. Exposed. Embarrassed. Invisible. Insecure.
I understand the answer will be ‘do nothing because there’s nothing you can do about it’. So in the absence of any possible action, I suppose I’m just looking for validation and empathy.
I’ve booked an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow to talk it through and get some perspective.
