Update: Shortly after the blow up with D16's bio mom, (I should have been clear before, the blow up was between bio mom and H/me/us over D16 going there during this mess) D16 choose to leave and go stay with her mom now that her mom finally has an apartment. It's been difficult because since early February. Bio mom has been leveraging H's infidelity as fuel to create a feud between D16 and H. (D16 spilled the beans in January) H's A had a huge ripple effect in our lives, and he's only very recently grappling with how large that ripple actually was and is trying (in his way, and trust me I'd really like to see it be more in the way of the people he needs to make amends with, but baby steps I guess) to make things right with the people that ripple has touched.
D16 came to us full time a year ago (we previously had 50/50) because bio mom put D16 in a horribly unsafe situation that resulted in restraining orders and charges being filed against a person H and I never even laid eyes on. It took months to get D16 just to commit to seeing her mother for an 8-12 hour visit. She was still only seeing bio mom every other weekend until early February. The day before she left for bio mom's she got into a huge fight with H over her virtual learning. H could've handled his temper better. D16 could've probably not doubled down on lying to the person with emails from teachers laying out missing work. The next day when she left D16 tried to say she just wasn't with her mom the entire last year because of the living situation. I called her out on that. And told her making the wrong choices for the wrong reasons doesn't work out well for any one, and she had a front row seat to that. She left any way.
H was hurt, sad, angry. And now has resigned to the fact that we have to just wait until bio mom does something bigger or more ridiculous or drop the BFF act for D16 to think about coming back. I, however, am absolutely livid that a weekend mom who's barely a mom at all is leveraging my pain for financial gain, for bonding with her daughter, and to spite her ex. Everything that I've had to endure through out this wasn't up for grabs. I just can't wrap my head around people who think they own my pain because they know about my pain. This woman who spent years trying to stop me from even being a normal kind person to her daughter is using one of the worst times in my life to boost herself up in D16's eyes. That just feels sick to me. I didn't know there was another person I could be as mad at as H or OW over this. But it is what it is. I have no control over D16 or her mom, no matter how clearly manipulative I can see the situation is. So I'm doing my best to let go and let god on this one.
Thing with H are still fairly status quo. We took a quarantine road trip H, myself and D17 to the major metropolitan area closest too us. Drove in, drove around, walked around one of the desolate areas just for a little while masked and gloved, got some carry out we can't get here, and drove immediately back no need to stop for gas or anything other than that. I know it's not super wise, but other than the guy who brought our food out to the car we were near no one. What was shocking was it was H's idea. It killed to not hold his hand in the car. But everything else about it felt so freaking normal, just like the way things used to be. We talked and talked. We laughed. We just had a good time. It's been so long since I was in his car with him for that long. It's been so long since I was in the car with him and the silence wasn't deafening and the tension palpable. Our road trips were a huge part of our relationship in the past and I didn't even know it was something I had missed until I had it back, even briefly. H said "hey next time we come this way I should take you to blah, blah, blah, you know that place in the movie we watched." It was a movie we watched last summer, before all of this ever even started. For just a split second, in that moment, it felt like none of this ever even happened. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks because I couldn't remember the last time he made future plans with me more than a few days out. That I hadn't made plans with my husband to just go do something for the h3ll of it since the first week in November. I hadn't made plans with my husband for some undetermined time in the future in just as long. I know we're not supposed to get hopeful. Can't trust them until they show you 100% they are in. It's safe to say I didn't. I just got pensive. I couldn't stop thinking about how something so tiny like "hey next time we come this way" could put me through so much so fast. I am in a more zen place than I have been. More back to the way I was, ready for him to go, and ready for him to leave. I just need to sit in all the layers of "next time we come this way" a little longer before I can really move past that moment.
