So I’ve been doing a lot of study and reading. I’ve read up in the Enneagram a lot which has been interesting and has given me a lot of insight into myself and my spouse. To help work on myself I’ve been trying to feel my feelings more and now I’ve taken up the practice of centering prayer which is a contemplative prayer technique. I think it helps to give me an interior peace day to day which has been needed.
This idea of the first half of life and the second half of life has become interesting to me as well. That we all spend the first half thinking we have things figured out until we fail big or have some turmoil in our life and then if we learn we can begin the second half of life. I’m just getting started on Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward, which I hope is good, on the subject.
While i have been working on myself and really trying to understand my negative patterns it has become more apparent how little self awareness my spouse has. She is still blaming me and bringing things up that happened 3 or 5 years ago up to let me know what I did to her and she is pointing out still how I put her in the middle of situations or how I control her. Sadly, these are things she does to herself and she always has, but she refuses to see it.
And that’s okay, that will be hers to deal with one day. If after this quarantine we follow thru on the divorce I really think I’ll be able to move forward and grow and not repeat my patterns. Sadly, at this point I don’t think her path will go the same way and I expect in a couple years time she will realize that her problems are hers and not everyone else’s.
