Embracing Peace and Joy

[Gerda]

Gracie -- I think you can have caution about H but absolute faith in God. Think of Peter looking at his feet and sinking. Don't look at your feet. H is still drowning in the stormy sea but if you keep your eye on Christ then I think you will know what to do each time, and what to say, and how long you should wait before you respond. I had exchanges like this with my H up until he filed, even maybe a bit after that. Sometimes I would say a little too much -- e.g., quoting scripture back might be too much. (I realized at some point that it was better for me to respond with scripture in my prayers and not to H. To H I just said things like, "So true," or "So beautiful" if he quoted scripture, and then as far as quoting it back or marveling about it, I kept that between me and God. Not that you should, I don't know what you should do! Just sharing what happened to me.) Anyway -- if I imagined that Christ was sitting quietly in the room -- or in the branch of a tree or on the roof of my car, etc -- watching me, loving me, I usually knew how much/little to say. I literally used to sometimes imagine that Christ was running next to my car on the highway, smiling at me through the window.

(Looking back, I have no regrets about my endless stand. I did everything I could, and I got closer to God. My kids witnessed what it took to stand for a marriage and understood what a vow means. I am glad that they will remember me standing for seven years. I am glad they don't have to deal with a stepdad or stepsiblings -- at least until they are grown, but maybe always.... I don't want to restore anymore, I am scared that God would ask that of me, actually. But I am glad I did everything I did, I feel like I listened to God and it brought me closer to God, even if H chose the darkness in the end.)

I think OwnIt's comments are not only right on the moolah, but also, coming from Own who is not a person of faith, it is saying a lot that she reads things that way. I agree with her about him testing the waters and about you being safe. I don't think it's cake eating or that you should even think about if it is or not, as long as you are looking at God, not H, when you choose your actions. Your H is testing and looking at the water, that doesn't mean you should!