You have to try to forgive yourself and understand you did the best that you could at the time. It's normal for your to be fearful of starting all over with two young kids. I went through the same thing but my kids were a little older. Like G said my kids are also doing great and my relationship couldn't be better with them. They just got their report cards and the lowest grade between the two was 81. Now does that sound like two kids whose lives were "destroyed" when I got divorced?
I'm not surprised she hasn't made any changes because A. she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her and B. quite feeling change is hard. For most people it is easier just to start over with someone else.
