Since my last update not much has changed in status but W's attitude appears to have improved a little. She's had IC now for a few weeks and as I put on my last update I've noticed some actual changes in her - talking now a lot about R, moving on with her life, and sharing more etc.
I've actually detached a fair bit but she's come over 2-3 times over the last few weeks to talk about R (prompted by her), two of those times she was supposed to be actioning NC with AP. A while ago I bought a couples relationship book that I thought we could go through if we reconciled and while we were talking one night she picked it up and started reading it and suggested we go through the book together. We did a few chapters and W said how much she had valued and enjoyed going through it together - seemed almost a taster of what working on the M could be like. As I thought it was positive and she appeared to have been trying I let that happen initially but eventually put a stop to it when she was asking to come round for the next bit as I said it was pointless to continue, almost like dating, while there is still communication with OM.
The last time she came round was on the condition of her sending 'the letter', although she wrote a new one out as she wasn't happy with the first one (she had a copy on her phone so at least I know it existed). What she wrote was actually pretty reasonable and made me think she'd drafted a few already, but after some tears she said she needed more time to be stronger to send it and would 'work on it'. W said I know everything now and has no problem with all my requests (passwords, phone, NC, etc no problem despite what she's said before) when she feels strong enough to give OM up but feels like an addict that can't kick the habit. I told her I was getting tired of the whole thing and feeling less and less interested. She has a friend who has been in limbo for years between two men (used to be intimate, now just friends with both) and she's been talking to her recently and they've been trying to motivate each other.
That brings us to this morning when she said she would come round to see me tonight. I told her that I didn't want to see her until she gives up OM and is ready to work on the M, and also that I'd like to complete the first part of the D agreement paperwork which we could set aside if it doesn't work out. She said she will sort herself out and follow through with what she's been telling me.
I don't know whether she's trying to play me or not but I do think she doesn't want to lose me or the M. I'm past caring about the cause and effect of what I'm doing now though, and just living my life the way I want to live it regardless of what else happens. I'm actually quite care-free now and have made peace with what will be will be. Either way I will ask her to complete the paperwork and will consider the options if she does come through on her NC with AP. I'm really investing in myself, I'm ready for whatever life throws at me next, whether that's a R or a new relationship. I won't become one of these sad people that hangs on forever, the ship is leaving the dock with or without cargo.
