Thanks, KitCat! Losing the last of the baby weight will feel good. I'm so glad that we've had such nice weather in our area during all of this too - taking lots of walks with the baby as well. Makes me feel better to see other people even from a distance aside from my H.
Lately, I've been finding myself fantasizing about finding another boyfriend/H. Does anyone else find themselves doing this? It would be so nice to be with more readily wanted to spend time with me and respects me. My H hasn't been himself for over 2 years now, and it all started with him being grumpy and not wanting to do things we've always enjoyed together as a couple and with our friends (didn't want to go on any trips, would sulk when we went out to bars/restaurants, etc). H has been acting so juvenile these 2 years, I've been daydreaming of someone who acts his age, wants to enjoy life, appreciates having a sig other who is there for them, who is more proactive about housework and repairs, wants to go on vacations, etc. I'm not sure if it's a healthy behavior to fantasize about a next relationship, but it does make me feel more optimistic about the future, instead of picturing it as a single lonely mom.
I've also been focusing on the idea that this man H is right now is not the person I married. Why would I choose to be married to this current person? He is someone else right now. He seems selfish and consumed with himself and his hobbies. He is good with the baby, but doesn't always give her 100% of his presence and attention if he wants to text or watch videos. I don't know if he'll ever return fully to his old self again, but this isn't someone I want to be married to. His hobbies and interests have even really changed. Since we've been in quarantine, he's been really into making silly videos (which is fun but also seems a little juvenile to me) and also has been toying around with some psychedelic drugs in low doses. Which he's never done before. I of course will not leave him alone with the baby when he's using them. I don't say anything to him about using them besides asking him to be safe. Sometimes I wonder if some of these are symptoms of an early MLC. A dark part of me wants to document his use to make a claim for full custody too when/if we D.
