Running out of time

[Adam04]

Hope,

Sorry to hear you going through this.


It sounds like you were having a very hard time to deal with not letting go and listening to a bunch of people telling you what you needed to do. I can see how that could cause anxiety.

It's never easy. It can get easier in time but you have to work towards that.

Sounds like a lot has happened. I'm not knocking you but I would be furious if my W moved in with another man.

This is what I'm picking up so please do correct me if I'm wrong. You're probably not sure of the process and wanted something to help win your H back. When you heard of how this works you didn't buy into it. You aren't rdy to lose him to win him back. If you do go for it, it wouldn't be genuine. Those comments above about him not noticing, and then you filing for divorce like what other choice did you have... there was a choice not to file and let him do the work. If you file, to me, it means you are the one ready to end it and from the sound of your last post, you are far from that so it's sabotage. You ghosting could mean you were trying new things, like pursuit and pressure like the D papers. It didn't snap him out of it. Nothing wrong with making a stand if you are ready, just don't think you are ready yet.

You filed for D and you're wondering what is he thinking in getting a lawyer? It sounds like you're playing a dangerous game.

I feel like I am being super critical and I'm sorry for that, I wish there was a gentler way of saying it or approach that I knew opposed to just not saying anything at all.

You're putting everything on him like he's the sole answer to your happiness. It takes work, a lot of work to change things around but you have to want to change for yourself first. Not for him. Do it for you and don't give a F if he pays attention or not.

I wonder if he came back tomorrow how easy you would let him in. He'd need to be begging.

There have been people who tried to DB and it didn't help their marriage but it did help them. I also believe there are people who only tried to DB half heartedly as a gimmick to win their spouse back and when they D, they didn't win either way in the end. Then there are a few who share their stories. I'm sure there are many more who have gone through the program and not post here. Hard to say but yeah, I reckon a lot of people do end up D. That's not the end of the world.

I haven't posted in a while myself. Sometimes it can affect you, seeing other people in your shoes. It used to wear me down, the sadness. The pain, relating to it, the reality of it. Sometimes just cant shake it. I have to stop for my own sanity to break away and come back in healthy doses.

You can still hope. Don't rely on that alone to get you anywhere though.

I hope to see more of you posting and possibly really buying into the program.

Btw, if I'm way off the mark, I'm sorry. Feel free to correct me. I would love to see more posts and maybe one day come across one of your AHA moments where you start to make it ALL YOU and not about him anymore.