A phrase the pops into my brain with a bit of frequency of late.
Feelings ebb and flow. A glimmer of awakening on the horizon.
H and I had a few normal, nice exchanges via email about a new car I purchased. About 3 days ago, he ended one with “I’m glad we can communicate regularly and in a nice way again. Truly.” I said “me too”.
That evening, he sent me a text message: “He has dug a pit and hollowed it out, And has fallen into the hole which he made. Psalm 7:15”. That was it. Just a scripture. I was so surprised. A scripture? Wow. I was making then eating dinner with the kids, so didn’t see it or respond right away. Was he looking for a response? Most certainly. I have no doubt about that.
Me: “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2”
He didn’t respond, nor did I expect him to. I messaged briefly the next day to inform him something about S23, and he sent a brief response. No other communication since.
I struggled this week with wondering if I should be communicating with him like this while he is living with OW. Am I letting him cake eat? It’s weighed a bit heavy on my mind. But, I am still proceeding with the negotiations for the agreement, and living my life fully. So, perhaps it’s not something I should spend too much time worrying about. *sigh*
My lesson/podcast for day 20 of my devotional I mentioned in an earlier post was about repairing relationships, and the testimony was from a man that almost lost his family and finished by saying if we are in a broken marriage there is hope.
I found myself telling God out loud during that podcast that I want my marriage to be repaired. I asked God to give H the tools and endurance needed to make that happen, asked God to intervene and help H repair his relationship with the kids, and especially D20. I think this is the first time I really acknowledged that.
My earthly mind thinks it’s a long shot. But my spirit knows that God can do anything if it is in His will.
I will continue to wait to see what He wants of me.
Perhaps I will proceed in faith instead of caution. Seems a better way to live.
