A typical Cliche

[Adam04]

Illidin,

I echo what others wrote. Be patient with yourself. Drop all expectations. Read as much as you can. My sitch is at 1 1/2 years mark already. W and I are back on the upswing. It took physical separation, splitting assets, and having weekly rotations of child custody before it started to sink in, the reality of it all.

I met my wife when we were 19 and now I'm 45. She's one of my close friend's sister. I can relate to much of what you said. I mishandled a lot of my past because I was a misguided kid. I simple didn't know any better at the time. I took this time in our separation as time to reflect and work on my emotional and self control. It's embarrassingly like night and day. I would say I felt like I was some entitled spoiled brat who was stuck in being a boy and not growing up as a man. That's what I think happens sometimes when we become overly enmeshed with our significant other is that our identity is always as 1 unit, which can be rightly justified by many. We still have to be self differentiated as Steve puts it. I wholeheartedly agree with that.

Get into IC to really take a look at what you've shared with us about that controlling nature. Try not to do that as another means of control. If you really want the help, you'll find it. What you wont find is that magic bullet to make your wife stay.

Some of the best advice given to me was to keep eating and drinking, sleep well, and work out. Get some fresh air and exercise. Whether you like it or not, your W just signed you up for this marathon so pace yourself.

IF you think you've changed in a day or a few days, you may want to look at the man in the mirror. Don't be discouraged, but just be honest and know its a long road ahead. You got the support of people who've been down that road. It can be ugly and can get uglier. This will be based on the choices you make from here on out. Your self-improvement can start today, for you. It always about you first.