One thing I have tried doing that helps is look at my H as a zoo animal. This sounds wrong, but I see it more from an observation point that I can't have interaction with. When he comes up and grumpy "Hmm that primate is angry. He doesn't understand(listen) to me, so there's no point in saying anything in-depth or meaningful. I will listen to his grumblings if he does them and offer to placate him with words (validation) " I also try to remember that he has an entire life beyond me, and chances are with everyone he's interacted with, the fact that it's me that angered him is slim.
Ha! Good way of looking at it. Don't put much value on their grumbling. Thanks, Cest_Moi!
Carrying on in this quarantine situation. H continues to be mostly friendly, sometimes flirty (i.e came into my office area and randomly kissed me the other day). Also, I sometimes feel like I'm in the friend zone with him. We are still friends through this - enjoy many of the same shows, similar sense of humor, etc. H seems so comfortable with me he will discuss the future with me living alone with our daughter in a friendly manner or ask questions about things related to living apart from me, such as what bedding he should buy. Like many of us, this makes me wonder sometimes if I'm signaling that I'm too okay with all of this. But I want him to know I WILL be okay if he leaves, but it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows with seeing me and the baby. I think he has an idealized take on all of this; that he'll get his own nice apartment (not going to happen with his financial situation) but he'll be the cool dad and still see the baby every day somehow and stay on good terms with my family and our mutual friends.
Besides working, putting my energy into ramping up my exercise routine lately since I have more time at home. Boosts my confidence, makes me feel productive, and helps eliminate some of my frustration. I've also been looking around the house and planning some smaller home renovation projects I'd like to eventually do. Making a plan for decorating and arranging the house should my H ever actually move out to make it a cozy space for me and my daughter. H has always had anxiety about money and would get anxious when I spent anything aside from paying bills (and I'm honestly a naturally frugal person, buy alot of second hand inexpensive clothes, choose to eat in to save money, etc). I also have never defaulted on any of my bills (whereas he has), have good credit, and make about double what he makes, so him getting anxious about me spending money is silly. But it will be nice to buy some throw pillows or something without him getting nervous!
