Lol. One year when oldest son was home from college we actually built him kind of a canvas tent-room inside the garage so he and his brother didn’t have to share a room so I get it.
Maybe once D14 gets tired of living with her dad she will reconsider.
The whole point of the vision board is you make those dreams visible and you put it somewhere that you will see it every day. Eyes on the prize. Subconsciously your mind will process it, start to believe it, and orient you towards the steps to make it happen.
Lol. One year when oldest son was home from college we actually built him kind of a canvas tent-room inside the garage so he and his brother didn’t have to share a room so I get it.
Maybe once D14 gets tired of living with her dad she will reconsider.
D14 wants to live with me now but I've got a huge mess on my hands. She's opted to hang in there until I can hopefully get a new place in Sept. I was seeing her 5-6 nights a week but now I'm having to social distance myself from her.
S19 isn't going over there either. H is all "am I sick, am I sick, am I still sick" making fun of S19. See this....this is what he does. What part of S19 has aspergers and is a germaphobe does he not understand? S19 won't even get in my car is it overkill? Yes but I respect his wishes and I never ever make fun of him. Ever.
The whole point of the vision board is you make those dreams visible and you put it somewhere that you will see it every day. Eyes on the prize. Subconsciously your mind will process it, start to believe it, and orient you towards the steps to make it happen.
This is hard. You call it dreams and I'm just trying to find my will to live. I didn't want this. I dig deep into my soul trying to imagine a happy life without him. I wanted that dream with him but it's nothing he will ever want.
I met him when he was 24 years old. He was on his 2nd new car, had an apt full of new furniture, state of the art stereo system, king size bed, menus on the fridge because he didn't cook and a killer wardrobe. I thought he made a lot of money. Nope he was $42k in debt (massive for 1990).
I was driving a $1500 car that I paid cash for and everything but my mattress was used. That McMansion life was nice until the newness wore off then it became something that I took for granted, couldn't afford and it took 3 days to clean. So not worth it.
This is hard. You call it dreams and I'm just trying to find my will to live. I didn't want this. I dig deep into my soul trying to imagine a happy life without him. I wanted that dream with him but it's nothing he will ever want.
K I am really sorry that you are struggling right now. Your were making so much progress and now it seems like you have had a setback. You have a lot of castotrphic thinking going on right now. You keep talking about the dream with your H but the way you describe it I think a nightmare is a better description. There is so much suffering on this board because the LBS wants the WW to be something that they are not. Maybe they were in the past but people change. I know I have been there. As for the future you have to accept the fact that the future is uncertain and always will be uncertain and that things are happening exactly the way they are supposed to happen.
K I am really sorry that you are struggling right now. Your were making so much progress and now it seems like you have had a setback. You have a lot of castotrphic thinking going on right now.
I'm aware. The progress I've made is huge and I can tell because my thinking is nowhere near as bad as it once was during a setback. The old me wants to talk and the new me says lean on no one. Learn to be my own best friend. Read don't post. The whole me has compassion for myself and says baby steps.
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You keep talking about the dream with your H but the way you describe it I think a nightmare is a better description.
The dream was to live a simple life with someone. The reality is I'm alone. The nightmare is my bad thoughts.
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There is so much suffering on this board because the LBS wants the WW to be something that they are not. Maybe they were in the past but people change.
I need to talk about this part because it makes me feel better. My H was always like this and I made the conscious choice to ignore it because I didn't want to be alone. I think in the long run I will see that he did me a favor. He gets to be the villain while I get to heal the part of me that accepted his neglect. Yes the kids are collateral damage in this but I have peace knowing I did not do this. He did.
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As for the future you have to accept the fact that the future is uncertain and always will be uncertain and that things are happening exactly the way they are supposed to happen.
Is this really true? I know all the gurus say it is but is it something we say to feel better about tragedy? In the book Mans Search for Meaning he says we have to give meaning to the tragic event. We have to find a reason to live. Without meaning we will go from one distraction to the other never truly living again.
The meaning, I believe, is an opportunity to be woken from our complacency (and yes, even for some of us, our rut) and start living life FULLY, on OUR terms. Regaining the lost parts of ourselves that we gave up in our relationships. Learning to have better boundaries and to find JOY.
The important meaning you need to get out of this, is WHY did you put up with such behavior? Why didn't you believe you were worth more? This is an opportunity for you to shed the dysfunctional patterns rooted in your childhood and be FREE.
Is this really true? I know all the gurus say it is but is it something we say to feel better about tragedy? In the book Mans Search for Meaning he says we have to give meaning to the tragic event. We have to find a reason to live. Without meaning we will go from one distraction to the other never truly living again.
I absolutely believe this 100%.
Like in the Rocky quote "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done"
The problem is that the average person doesn't have the resolve to be patient and see how life turns out and give up.
The meaning, I believe, is an opportunity to be woken from our complacency (and yes, even for some of us, our rut) and start living life FULLY, on OUR terms. Regaining the lost parts of ourselves that we gave up in our relationships. Learning to have better boundaries and to find JOY.
The important meaning you need to get out of this, is WHY did you put up with such behavior? Why didn't you believe you were worth more? This is an opportunity for you to shed the dysfunctional patterns rooted in your childhood and be FREE.
Yes Yes Yes! I will never understand why I was so complacent. I got angry, I fought, I tried to rationalize - forever. But I wasn’t the one to leave. I grew up in a strong female dominated home - so makes no sense. But I was complacent
The meaning, I believe, is an opportunity to be woken from our complacency (and yes, even for some of us, our rut) and start living life FULLY, on OUR terms. Regaining the lost parts of ourselves that we gave up in our relationships. Learning to have better boundaries and to find JOY.
I didn't fully embrace gratitude. I shake my head at the things I used to think were so important. I sold my soul (you have no idea) to avoid being alone. My boundaries were non existent and joy was only fleeting.
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The important meaning you need to get out of this, is WHY did you put up with such behavior? Why didn't you believe you were worth more? This is an opportunity for you to shed the dysfunctional patterns rooted in your childhood and be FREE.
I've been contemplating these questions and they are hard to face. H did a number on me by convincing me that I made him that way. He was a better man before me and he's a better man now without me. Logically I know it isn't true but my low self worth won't believe it.
The other part is learned helplessness. I stuck with him because I needed him to take care of me. I hate myself for this pathetic behavior that continues to this day. I've read it's a symptom of a trauma bond and that what I'm going through is normal. I do get it's an opportunity to be free. That part excites me even though I worry how long I'll have to be in pain to get there. I think I won't be able to survive 4-5 more years of this.
