Any idea where your tendency to control came from? Since one of your topics was your dislike of her wearing makeup, perhaps insecurity? I know you say you changed overnight, but that's rare and your actions say the opposite--e.g., snatching her phone, begging, making her stay in your bedroom.
Probably my father he is terribly controlling in his relationship with my mother and even though Ive worked very hard not to be like them tendencies moved over anyway in different fashions. My sister has similar problems and my brother likely does too. My stuff tends to all be passive aggressive and usual unconsciously. I'll feel irritated or insecure about something. Look moody talk less. Poke jabs at people. In the case of the make up its actually kind of a strange story. When I met her she was a goth princess. Had no problem with make up she has always been stunning. As we dated she started wearing more subdued looks when we went out for a nice date. Which I always complimented more than the heavy approach. As we got more relaxed I regularly saw here without any and always thought that she was amazing gorgeous with her natural face. One day she asked me what I preferred and I said I loved her face without the make up. She stopped wearing it after that because I preferred it. I didn't ask at the time but I thought it was really nice. Years later she started spending some time with some girls and started wearing matching make up with them. Super over the top looks which I said weren't the best look for her. It shouldn't have been more than that, simply that I didn't prefer it but it wasn't. I felt really betrayed that she had stopped doing that thing for me and instead was doing this for these girls. Thats a messed up way to think I know. I was still really young though. That led a serious of outings where I was emotionally a jackass every time she wore it. Of course as you imagine that didn't help the friendship last when they knew I would likely be in the picture long term. Nowadays she wears make up everyday its still on the light side but it is what she wants and I have no issue with it. I have no issue at all to be honest anymore with it. But she still brings up that she doesnt do more or she didn't start doing it again sooner because of the stigma I created then. Obviously there were alot of other things over time issues with her being out late, money was a big one, I have always been very budget conscious and frugal. And as already stated I do not have a proper support system which means I want to do everything with her and get lonely without her. That is of course asking for trouble. I wouldn't let her go places alone or would bug her over and over again while gone. Even if I went though I was usually not fun to be with which made her friends not like inviting us places. I know I can't change my feelings overnight and I am way to insecure with everything happening right now. But I changed alot of the core behaviors. I stopped constantly being negative, I complimented her more, I paid closer attention versus being complacent and half there. The little things I let fade away. The bigger things of course can't be different instantly. Although some of them I have been working on for awhile and she didn't even notice. I have been encouraging to her to go out more and not being bothered when she does. I have been trying to work on my social skills at work so I can start spending more time with her out. We have been doing more spur of the moment outings where before I would always say we couldn't afford it. Thats not to say all the problems were being worked on equally well. My stress and negativity was still pretty much constant everyday. I would complain about probably a million little things a day. Floors creaking that thought needed to be repaired, decisions over who would cook that night, complaining slightly when asked to do something instead of just doing it happily. I also had strong opinions about how quickly she could finish her bachelors program and I would hound her about not committing as much time as we agreed she would when decided to take out loans for it. Mind you she is still killing that program but it was just something that put me on edge cause I didn't want it to hold us back. She hates her job and the sooner she finishes the sooner she change careers and I know she can do it. Our overall communication was breaking down more over the years also which made me snippy. I constantly had to badger her with questions just to find out what happened at work that day. Which has always been a trigger. Having to ask her what she said even once has always been enough to have her rip your head off. So asking a lot of questions was always a sure fight.
