Started sobbing at work so I came home. I can't stop crying. I need reminders that he's a miserable person. How long has he had the papers? He hired a new attorney. I'm afraid to google him.
29 year marriage, 15 years as a homemaker, just went back to work, I'm 54.
Here are the terms:
CS stays the same. It's based on what he was making when he left - ends in 3 years. Lump sum alimony of $100k payable in $1000 increments starting when he retires - guess I'm living in my car. He is letting me have my car. I'm to provide health insurance for the kids and pay half of all medical bills. He will carry life insurance until the kids turn 25 - if he dies I'll lose the car. I'm to carry life insurance as well - with what money?? Wants joint and physical custody and he will claim them on his taxes. S19 and D17 will live with me. D14 will live with him.
By the time this is done our kids will be 20, 18 and 15. Can he enforce joint custody? He wants every other weekend, half of Christmas break, 3 hours on his birthday, you know the usual.
I’m really sorry you are struggling. Are you sure CS ends at 18? It doesn’t in some states. Why wouldn’t alimony start immediately? You should be compensated if you pay out of pocket for health insurance.
One bit of language to clarify here. It's not up to him to "let" you have any one thing or another.
The key thing to keep in mind is to look at this as a business deal. There's the old joke that you can tell if it's a good deal because both parties are upset. And so you can negotiate whatever you want. Getting him to agree is another matter of course.
If you go before the courts they'll generally - from what I understand - apply the standard rules, chainsaw the assets down the middle and call it a day.
Generally speaking kids can pick once they reach a certain age which parent they want to spend time with. I believe that in most agreements, as long as the kids are "dependent" - usually determined by them being in school, child support applies.
Here there's a clause in the Family Law Act called "the rule of 65". It's where if age plus years together is more than 65 then the lower income spouse is eligible for indefinite support. Your jurisdiction may have something similar. Generally speaking spousal support is intended to help transition the lower income spouse through to full independence while maintaining a lifestyle similar to what they previously enjoyed. So you should certainly be getting spousal support.
For my own divorce, I treated it as a business deal. I also knew that my then STBX didn't want things dragged out into court both because of the expense and also because she was then and presumably still is, reluctant to have details of her affair openly discussed. So one of the proposals I made was for a lump sum payment of most of the equity in the house plus a monthly payment lower than what the courts might have suggested for a fixed period of time. When she accepted a slightly modified version of that I think my lawyer hurt her foot kicking me under the table whispering "take it take it take it". One of the conditions was that neither party would go back to have it modified. Her lawyer cautioned her that if my income went up that she could be missing out on having support increased.
For now, you may want to see about getting a temporary order for spousal support and child support that will tide you over until things are settled. I've not read back - I'm presuming that you're not getting anything at present and have no interim agreement?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I’m really sorry you are struggling. Are you sure CS ends at 18? It doesn’t in some states. Why wouldn’t alimony start immediately? You should be compensated if you pay out of pocket for health insurance.
It's 21 here but he's saying D14 will live with him permanently so 3.5 years until D17 turns 21. Alimony will start immediately and I will get it for life. He also has a pension plan. I'm guessing this is just the way this game is played. Yes he will have to reimburse me for the kids insurance.
To make sure I have plenty of disposable income I am prepared to live in the ghetto and I don't need much. I walked away with nothing but personal items and my car.
One bit of language to clarify here. It's not up to him to "let" you have any one thing or another.
I was joking....I'm trying to stop crying.
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The key thing to keep in mind is to look at this as a business deal. There's the old joke that you can tell if it's a good deal because both parties are upset. And so you can negotiate whatever you want. Getting him to agree is another matter of course.
When I was still trying to nice him back he offered $1,000 a month . I played along and sent him my ramen noodle budget. I said show me how I can live on that then we will talk. He agreed that it wasn't enough and he increased it. This is CS only though, no alimony.
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If you go before the courts they'll generally - from what I understand - apply the standard rules, chainsaw the assets down the middle and call it a day.
Other than his pension plan there are no assets. Just cars.
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Generally speaking kids can pick once they reach a certain age which parent they want to spend time with. I believe that in most agreements, as long as the kids are "dependent" - usually determined by them being in school, child support applies.
So he can't make them spend time with him??
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Here there's a clause in the Family Law Act called "the rule of 65". It's where if age plus years together is more than 65 then the lower income spouse is eligible for indefinite support. Your jurisdiction may have something similar. Generally speaking spousal support is intended to help transition the lower income spouse through to full independence while maintaining a lifestyle similar to what they previously enjoyed. So you should certainly be getting spousal support.
Age plus years together is 83. He will owe lifetime alimony. I just don't know how much.
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For my own divorce, I treated it as a business deal. I also knew that my then STBX didn't want things dragged out into court both because of the expense and also because she was then and presumably still is, reluctant to have details of her affair openly discussed. One of the conditions was that neither party would go back to have it modified. Her lawyer cautioned her that if my income went up that she could be missing out on having support increased.
I filed with fault (true fault state and I got a good judge). My fate lies in the hands of a judge because he will decide what I get initially which will likely stick.
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For now, you may want to see about getting a temporary order for spousal support and child support that will tide you over until things are settled. I've not read back - I'm presuming that you're not getting anything at present and have no interim agreement?
I was so stupid. I tried to nice him back so I cancelled the temporary support hearing. I got lucky in that I got evidence of an affair so I was able to file with grounds. He's been paying CS on the honor system. There is no court order.
She wants to live with me. I just need a bigger house and I will get it once he has to pay alimony on top of CS. My ghetto life starts after all the kids are 21. If they are still here after that they will probably help out with the rent until they move out.
