WW Patience, Limbo amd Fear

[Core]

Thanks gentlemen. I'm not looking to end things to avoid the pain, stop the pain or to find happiness. Its to move to a better situation.

-My kids are not seeing a healthy marriage
-Im providing for someone who may or may not give a Sh** about me when I could instead have the resources for the kids and I
-The longer this sitch lasts, the more I lose financially
-Im not in a sitch like others where there is still some emotional, physical and or spiritual connection. We have none of that. What's the point then?
-I waited this out quite awhile already. In 4 to 5 months itll be a year.

W and I had another chat and I did something stupid that I regret right now, I let her talk me in to cancelling the session. She mentioned again how she wants time but didnt want to commit. She told me she found an IC and will begin counseling with him. Well, after I cancelled mediation, I see no action yet. Our chat was great and she seemed genuine but now I think I fell for her untruthful words again. Part of it was that I realized I wasn't yet ready for mediation as well. I want the action to end things to come from her, not me though itll likely be me.

My WW is and has continued to do nothing. I do expect some kind of action after this much time. Whether its fair or not to have that expectation, I think its not fair for the kids and I, and even her to be stuck in this dead marriage.

I read online how some people can never get over their first love, and whom seek it out the rest of their lives. W during the chats was basically telling me she wants someone with personality traits I know OM has or you know, in reality she is wanting him. Funny thing is she fell for me when I had different traits and specifically told me several times that the things she now wants are corny and stupid.

Our talks pulled me or maybe us both in for a short time but that has already passed for me. Im back to considering filing and just being done with this BS. Not to avoid the pain, but to move on.