KC, thank you for the list of your personal efforts, you are really doing some great things and that's an excellent place to put your focus! Just in general your posts still come off as you very desperately wanting to get your H back, and wanting to do whatever you can towards that end. So in that respect I think you may still be doing things not for you, but for him. Maybe I'm wrong about that, I mean I do see you posting that your focus is on you, it just doesn't feel that way in your posts. That will hopefully change with time. WAS's have a 6th sense for this stuff, they KNOW if you're pining away for them. No matter how much you act "as if", they just KNOW your real motivations. And it repels them, even disgusts them. Eventually you will (hopefully) truly focus on yourself. You will dress sexy because you feel sexy and you want to look sexy, not because you're hoping he'll catch a glimpse of you. You'll bake muffins because you love the smell in your house, not because you're desperately hoping he'll stop by and smell it and want to come home. Do you see what I mean? You're doing the right things, but your focus is still not on YOU and YOUR hopes, dreams and desires (other than recon). To get him back you have to let him go in every sense of the word.
Originally Posted by KitCat
If I'm doing something different that is getting a different response than anger... then YES I am doing something right??? I'd like to think that. BUT, maybe the more experienced people here know its the calm before the storm???
As Michele says, it's all about baby steps. So celebrate ANY improvements! As long as you don't attach a bunch of expectations to it.
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Maybe its because the other shoe is about to drop???
I'm not sure there are any shoes left, LOL! He's moved out and is with OW and pushing for D. Not sure what else he could hit you with at this point. I think it's more likely that he's feeling some of the pressure is off since you've been cooperating, and he has his bike and the boat and much of his stuff. This is not uncommon, once the WAS sees their "end game" (divorce, "happy" life with OP) is starting to fall into place then they don't feel pressured anymore and they start relaxing and being more cordial.
One of two scenarios will play out from here. He will ride off into the sunset with OW. Unlikely, but it happens. Or his fantasy life with OW will turn out to be a huge disappointment. Often what happens is life with OW is nothing but rainbows and sunshine and wild sex before D. No bills, no stress, none of the decisions that make life difficult. It's also exciting because of the "taboo" nature of it- married person having a fling. Then comes S and D and moving in with OW. She snores. She leaves her clothes everywhere. She's got crap spread out all over the counter. And good grief, why does she always have to breathe so loud? And was her laugh always that annoying? WHAT she got ANOTHER purse? And MORE SHOES??? Are you kidding? Yeah the bloom is officially off the rose. Then guess what, he feels trapped all over again. He starts thinking of the fun times you had, poking around your FB and wow she's looking good, when did she lose all that weight? And look, she's always doing fun stuff with friends, and wait, who's the guy in those pics? A friend? Coworker? Pangs of jealousy kick in.
^^^This is all human nature.^^^ It's stupid, it's illogical, but it's how we're wired. Hopefully you see now what your END GOAL is here. It's not to keep throwing yourself in front of him NOW, it's to lay the groundwork for what he is going to remember LATER. All that stuff has to play out with OW first before he might start feeling regret. And that is going to take a while.
