The reason I say XH is still stuck? A mutual friend, T, recently told me XH had reached out to ask why he’d been removed from our friendship group a couple of months ago. T thought it was ironic it had taken XH this long to notice and said it spoke volumes as to the quality of the friendship. This was T’s message to me.
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I essentially said why we decided to distance ourselves. Obviously he got a bit upset and asked why we didn’t let him know and communicate to him. I said a whole bunch of us did and it was obvious he didn’t want to open up and be honest with us. I told him not opening up wasn’t the reason we decided to distance ourselves and that it was his behaviour and decisions. He didn’t know what he had done wrong and tried blaming you for spreading lies. I said I don’t believe that’s the case and that there’s no reason for you to do that. He then tried to spin it that he was going through a rough time and yeah he could’ve done things better but would like to catch up with everyone to try to get everything out in the open. I didn’t reply after that and left it there. Most of us feel that he is just trying to save face and now reunite because it’s convenient for him or he has finally realised the consequences of this fallout. Its like he has only now just noticed that everything he has done has jeopardised his friendships too, and now wants to try and save face when it’s convenient for him. Where was he the past year when we wanted to be there for him?
My psychologist would tell me this is textbook narcissism. An inability to self-reflect or empathise. Certainly in other threads I read here and on the newcomer board, the runaway spouse is at least aware of their actions and how they have hurt other people. Not all, but some. I don’t really see that happening in my case. It makes me fear for S2 and how he’ll be affected by the relationship with his dad as he grows up.
