Originally Posted by CWarrior

That was your non-DB coach's goal if I recall correctly. What do they say about it and what's next? Thinking of the last four DB situations that went to R, getting the WWS or WAS to act neutral wasn't a key step. Often the WWS or WAS was actually upset the LBS stopped cake eating and they felt loss or worried about loss.


Yes - the goal with non-DB coach was to get to emotional neutral because of all the negative emotions he associated with me.

CW - he spewed so much anger at me previously. It was hard to stomach.

This feels better? He started conversations on Sunday asking me about my meeting. Of course there was no talk about us or the M and I certainly didn't expect any. But, he never smiled and if he checked me out I never caught him. At one point we were standing side by side in the kitchen.

I'm doing what it says... acting "as if"... faking it until I make it. I'm not appearing weak or mopey in his presence.

There will be at least 1 or 2 more move out dates in the future. I want to handle them like a pro - what else can I do different?

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In the last 10 days, didn't you chit-chat about wanting a bike ride with him and help with his affidavit and financial order? From a distance, to your H, those probably don't say "difficult-to-obtain prize I have to work for". As LH19 says your words are there, and I like hearing all the bits you're doing to work on you.


Yes. Very true. My initiating the texts on Saturday was a very poor choice in behavior. I was missing him. Thank goodness I didn't actually text I miss you... that would have been 100 times worse. But, there are times I want to.

I've dug in my heels more. No more texts initiated by me. I will respond to business texts from him but not in a rapid fashion. I will continue to keep myself busy.

And, seriously I am doing lots of homework. I'm working on me sooo much I'm pretty sick of myself. I am sure that due to the quarantine as well. Yes, am I still standing for my M. I am. I can be honest. Do I hope to R with my H. I do. Am I changing just for my H. Not really.... I'm more like discovering the woman he married. Before we worked too many hours... dealt with years of kid issues... getting lost from each other.

I am discovering I put up thicker walls because I wasn't happy with myself and felt my H deserved better. I would try to open up and share with him but his answer (wasn't mean on purpose) would be like "do something about it" and that just made me resist what I should have been doing. It was up to me to make the changes for myself. If I felt bad about the weight gain... I'm the only one who could do something about. Maybe in my head I wanted to hear that he loved me anyway OR hey, lets do it together, BUT I never voiced those ideas to him. He was just thinking if it bothered me than I should fix it. It didn't dawn on him I just wanted acceptance for who I was... which frankly was all he wanted from me in return.

Bottom line. I was unhappy with my weight it really was MY job to fix it.

Last edited by KitCat; 04/21/20 06:25 PM.