Will you PLEASE write this on your bathroom mirror or someplace else where you can see it all the time????? And keep asking yourself WHY you even would want this guy? The answer is - YOU DON'T. You were living with a toxic person and he did you a FAVOR by exiting your life. You DESERVE so much better. You deserve someone who shares your values, and who values YOU. I know the finances and change itself are scary but I'm pretty sure your life will eventually be MUCH BETTER without this guy in it.
Mowing the lawn brought back bad memories of H. In a split second I thought I'm glad he's gone (it doesn't stick yet). D17 says she misses D14, her pets and the money but not him. She told me our lame dinners now are way better than what we had before. Wait....what? She said dinners are fun now that we aren't catering to H. Early on D17 asked me "are we sure we want him back?"
I've got zero interest in men. I've had men in my life for 40 years and I can visualize being happy alone once I detach from H. I'm not ruling out another R it's just not even on the same planet as my vision board.
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(Funny story - the first guy I dated after my divorce I really really liked but he was an avoidant and difficult to engage. Once I realized that I put an index card in the visor mirror of my car that said "He's Just Not That Into You" to remind me every time I started to swoon over him. It worked!)
This would hurt after 30 years but I do need to remember that H isn't a good person. D17's best friends parents are divorced. The father is just like H and he brainwashed their kids (they were around 8 years old at the time) into thinking he was better than the mom. H did this to me. Anyway the kids grew up and figured out that dad was a pos liar (long story). They don't have much to do with him anymore. This guy downgraded and went from a nurse to a store clerk who blackmailed him into marrying her (he told me this directly). They've been together for 10 years but she's a horrible person. D17 can't stand her and D17 is a loving person. If you make her bad list you've done something awful.
