So just kind of glancing through your stuff and I'm way newer at this than you are but I saw a few things I'd like to mention. Don't ever forget one of the golden rules around here is take what works for you leave what doesn't.
IMO respect/disrespect is a subjective concept. The reaction to the subjective actions of disrespect are also highly variable and subjective. I could look at H right now and call him and a**hole and he'd smile at me and flip me off and I'd flip him off back and we'd laugh. That's how we behaved pre-BD/A. That's how we behave now post A but no where near piecing. If you took that exact behavior and put it in a different relationship that could look entirely different, and not light hearted or funny the way it is in our household. The other part of that belief is almost every WAS/WS on here is/was cheating. That is pretty much the pinnacle of disrespect in a relationship and the second you decided that an affair isn't a deal breaker is the the second you decided disrespect isn't either. So I personally put very little weight in this whole concept of being disrespected. There are more important things to worry about than disrespect namely the things that are more subjective, as subjective as feelings can be I suppose, that cause imbalance in a relationship. Like one person being a giver while the other is a taker. When one person puts kindness first and the other person sees that as weakness. I think those things are far more important than the broad concept of disrespect. To that end the imbalance in the relationship because of those reasons is an imbalance that can't go left unaddressed forever. Even if that means S/D. Moral obligation or not, your vows did not bind you to the indentured servitude of another person for the rest of your life. No one is obligated to be the whipping boy of another person.
People with bad childhoods and/or poor parental child relationships tend to gravitated toward partners who are in enmeshed families. Doesn't matter how healthy or unhealthy the family is otherwise. It's just a weird little quirk and I hope for your sake that they are an otherwise stable healthy group.
Tensions are high for every one right now. I see a lot of people who are/were in a pretty good place cycling through anger, sadness, and fear when they up until recently had been pretty ok at the very least for others they were nearly zen like and it's starting to crumble. I'm one of those people myself. I'm sure having house guests indefinitely isn't helping. Make sure you're checking your on emotional flare ups and you're not feeding W's poor behavior. As some one said above maybe check in on W's stress levels with all that's going on plus house guests.
The ice cream thing was petty af, and you know it. She knows it. I know it. We all know it now. Lol. But it was just a misstep, and annoyance. One of the many tiffs we all find ourselves in in long term relationships not the Titanic of your relationship. The getting to work thing could be that you're throwing her off on her daily routine. Instead of digging your heels in maybe try to explore what that's about. What throws me though is that W was that histrionic over things that little. She seems to over react to everything, and to me that doesn't really feel like disrespect. That feels like she's looking for holes in the relationship to keep opening them wider, or she has some kind of personality disorder. And just to be clear I'm not trying to arm chair diagnose here. Many many moons ago I was a WW and I most definitely picked fights to blow them up. I did not however ramp up nearly every single interaction we had because dear lord that's exhausting.
