Sandi, the amount of insight you can gather on just some forum posts is really amazing. I think your comments regarding her feelings toward my selfishness are spot on.
Thank LH19 for responding the other day, I really wanted to continue arguing, but I let it go, I needed some encouragement.
And Sandi, I won't be passing it along, I'm back to NC for now. I will continue to try and find patience. I do hope she is able to forgive me.
I will say sometimes I get upset with myself though, I know I certainly had my faults, for sure, but do I deserve to be lied to and cheated on? Of course not, and sometimes I worry I won't be able to fully forgive her. It's such a complicated feeling to love someone, but also be so hurt by them. Sometimes I feel like it makes me sort of a loser, like why would I accept that, instead of just moving on and finding someone who hasn't treated me that way? I think you can tell from my posts it's certainly a struggle with me, some days I find the strength to forgive, and then some days I just want tell her to hurry up and get out of my life forever.
Just some thoughts going through my head, felt like posting about them.
