Just curious.......did you share custody of the dogs during your time of going dark? If so, then you were never completely dark. See what I mean?
Yes, we shared custody of the dogs during my time of going dark. However, I made sure to never be at home when she would come to pick up the dogs. So I literally never saw her even once during the "dark" period. This is almost impossible now with this quarantine (everything's closed, there is nowhere to go, and there's a shelter-at-home order in our community).
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I can't speak for the LBH, but I can share what I've seen happen. IMHO, you never emotionally detached.....even when you went "dark". When you thought OM was out of the picture, you bounced into full on pursuit.........only to experience rejection after spending the night with your WW. Your emotions have suffered an extreme roller-coaster ride. Naturally, you feel exhausted, b/c there has been no true respite. Some LBH's never emotionally detach, they simply wear out from all the emotional fatigue. IMHO, LBH's try to make every tiny thing bear some type of meaningful message, and all it accomplishes is more fatigue. I think that's where you find yourself at the present.
I believe you're right that this is where I find myself. I'm just worn out from the emotional rollercoaster.
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I suggest you not respond to any photos she sends. It is a typical WW tactic to keep the LBH on the back burner. Don't respond to text that doesn't ask a direct question and absolutely needs an answer. If you simply MUST answer a question, don't use over two-three words. Think you can handle that? It's that or don't reply at all.
Please remind me: How will I know when she's reaching out to keep me on the back burner, as opposed to reaching out to try to reconcile? This is one reason most LBHs fail, I think. Because they don't know the difference.
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I don't know the situation about the dogs, or how many you have. I'm a dog lover, so I understand the attachment. With that said, I'll also tell you that your WW is only using the dogs as if it's a string tied to you. In other words, without the dogs, what other excuse does she have to contact you......and/or even better.......go to your place and play BFF?
You may have to make a hard decision about dividing the dogs between you & wife. Unless of course, you want to use them for the same reason.......a string tied to your W. Do what is best for you.
The dogs are literally the only reason we still see each other. But she doesn't want to split the dogs up, and she doesn't want to keep them full-time, and she doesn't want me to have them full-time either. They are like our kids; how can you give up a kid? Or split your kids up?
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Anyway, I hope for your own sake you will decide to go completely off the planet dark with her. This time around, however, don't do it as a tactic to see how she'll respond. Do it for your mental & emotional health.
Well actually, what I was trying to convey before was that since I'm so emotionally worn out, it's becoming harder and harder for me to *care* about going dark with her. The mindset I'm in right now is more like, "Going dark takes too much energy; I'd rather just live my life as I want, without factoring her into my actions. If I want to be home when she's here, so be it, I will be home because that's where I want to be. If I want to go on a walk with the dogs when she asks, I will. If I'm not in the mood to go on a walk, then I won't go.
Basically, I feel like "going dark" ironically elevates her importance, because I have to plan around *her* actions (e.g., be somewhere else when she shows up for the dogs). I don't want to plan around her. I don't want her to have any (implicit) control over what I can and cannot do. I don't want to live my life running away from her; that gives her too much power. Does that make sense?
