MLC circus

[DnJ]

Hello M

Well done on the conversation with H regarding his stuff and the trunk.

Boxing it all up and placing it unceremoniously on the porch and just informing him was perfect. That’s about the best way for you not to get roped back in.

If he wants his trunk, and I can see the sentimentality of his Dad’s stuff, put it on the porch as well, and inform him.

I felt he wanted more of me in our exchanges. I don’t want to give him that.

You are probably correct. H did want more from you.

Most MLCers want to feel that you are right where they left you. They will check on you once and while. And poke and prod if you have moved forward. They will attempt to rope you back in.

But I also don’t want him to think I’m not still here if he is waking up.

Two things on this in my view.

First, he probably needs to feel what it is like to loose you. Most MLCers, or people in general, turn and go after what leaves. It’s natural, once something is removed, one feels its loss and desires it emotionally. MLCers are very slow, and confused. It takes them a long time, and many attempts for them to get to that point - if they ever do. Or if they ever admit they do.

Second, don’t worry about what he thinks. Meaning, do not make decisions with his feelings as your first consideration. Focus on you and your life. Of course, with all else being equal, behave in a manner that causes the least conflict. And that is true for all your interactions with everyone in your life.

The MLC spouse can start being nice because they want to trick LBS back so they can keep both LBS and OW. She suggested testing MLC spouse by being nice and responsive. If MLC spouse reacts with anger and annoyance, than they are tricking you back. If they respond with kindness they may be awakening.

That may be true. It does take a long duration of consistent behaviour from a MLCer to gauge where they are. Remember they are running on emotions and can and do change their feelings pretty quickly.

Having H responding with kindness is obviously going to feel better than him all aggravated. If he demonstrates a long term trend of kinder behaviour that would be a welcomed thing. Focus on you and see what he is capable of.

I have a question. I’m wondering where H moved to? Did he move in with OW? Do you know where he moved to? Some MLCers are really secretive. I’m just curious.

DnJ