I know my W. She is truly sorry. I also know I want her home. But for now, she isn't. But I'm going to ask her back during our MC session on Wednesday. I realize it's early, but it's what I want. I've asked her a few times to see her phone and she gave it to me without question. I looked and he's deleted from all social media. I also saw a text between her and her friend where she said she wants me and our family and she wants so blind before to that fact.
Okay, that's your decision. I'll be here to help you through the process, by sharing my viewpoint from the other side of the street....if you want it.
This is JMHO, that the two of you not have discussions about her sexual activity with OM. You may want to hear other things about the affair, that's up to you. I just don't think it's healthy to know the details of their intimacy.
Quote
She told me she's afraid that I will be angry with her forever.
That's typical. I want to remind you that she may try to twist things around and make you think you need to prove you can trust her or that you're not mad. No, she's the one who has to bear the burden of proof. You have every right to be angry. I would be greatly concerned if you didn't have some anger. I'm not saying you should hold it over her head, but you need time to process your feelings about what she has done. In fact, you will probably go through a period where you feel more resentment after she returns home. LBH's who are so focused on just getting the WW back again, often experience a delayed anger after she's back. Hopefully, MC can help guide you.
Quote
I told her it will take time but her willingness to be transparent and communicate will help that process for me and her. She agreed.
Currently, she's expecting you to look at her phone. Does she know transparency won't stop after she goes back home? It's not quite the same when you ask to see her phone, or if she has a minute to delete whatever she doesn't want you to see. Make sense? Once she's back home, the real test begins, and after a couple of weeks pass, you should take a look when she's not aware. Transparency is simply a method of accountability. But let's keep it real.......all cheaters lie. So, her word, alone, cannot be trusted.....no matter how far in the sand you may stick your head. You've got to be smart and get verification. If she is committed to working on the MR, then this method of accountability should help her while she goes through withdrawals.
BTW, even if she's currently claiming she doesn't want to be with OM........she will still experience withdrawal affects, b/c of the addictive nature of an affair. That's another reason she needs to remain transparent, b/c the end of one affair may be the beginning of the next affair. It's not the man......it's the thrill. Do you understand what I mean? She's very vulnerable, but she can get through it.
Should I be concerned that you might stop looking at her phone when she comes back home?
Quote
There are so may good things happening and although happening fast, she is my W. As long as she continues working on herself and us I can't or won't keep her away.
What kind of good things are happening? Look, if she is being real, then I'm happy for you. She's trying harder right now, than she'll try once she's back home. She knows if she blows it now, she won't get to go back home. I am always suspicious when a WW suddenly makes a 180 degree turn, and that's why I am here trying to warn you what to watch. I don't want to see you get hurt more.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
