I just read through your whole thread and wanted to send you some good vibes and support. I feel like living in the same house as your H when in limbo is really difficult and there are so many hard/weird differences than if he would just go... I just wanted to say that I've been there and it is awful. You are incredibly strong. Know that, hug your kids, and give yourself a break when you aren't able to do things exactly by the book.
I also wanted to just say that I think it is probably for the best that he moved out of the MBR. I know it feels hard but I think it probably gives you both good separation. And if you can resist saying anything to him about coming back, it will actually mean something if he does make that choice on his own.
My only other piece of advice... to the extent you can, maybe stop hugging him, apologizing to him, telling him how you feel? if you need to get that information off your chest, maybe write it in a journal or write him a letter/email that you don't actually need to send? It feels reading through your story that he holds a lot of the power right now, and you being pretty consistent in making sure he knows you're here for him, love him, are sorry when you worry him... keeps the power squarely in his court. Why does he need to hear that from you right now? Maybe keep it to yourself and see how that goes for awhile?
Hang in there!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
